what a beast.

Deep inside of me I know I was born for a purpose,
Though I have always have it in mind that I exist,
to destroy things.

I'm here to show how fragile and egoistic humans can be. How everything at one point is meant to fall apart to realised they are better of as one and how obstacles are everywhere, lose to it or get through it. I walk into people's live to either show how much one can do so much for love and not mean a single shit in the end or how someone can mean so much to you but you might not mean as much to the person. I am what seems so beautiful at first which grows horrid and rotten and broken inside. I am that beautiful view of flowers that mesmerises you to end up disheartening you with the fact that I won't last, that when I wilt, so will my beauty and the beast will finally rise and that is when you see how nothing is as it seems. That I am not what anyone wants.

I am nothing more but something you have to learn to get through, like a phase. Yes I am just a phase. A phase you wish you didn't have to go through, a phase you would cursed and swear at for making your life so hard and for hurting you so much. Little would you know that without this phase, you wouldn't be who you are today and yet I am to blame. When in the end I will be left the loneliest and again, with no one but myself to blame.

I am the student who made you work twice as hard. The daughter you wish you never had. The friend you thought you knew. The love you wish would last. Above all, I am what I wish I would never be. With me things either end or break. So I distant myself from everyone. I hate people I would say when, I just hate how I might end up making them feel. I can't control the things I say and feel at times and it kills. I have always been in the middle, of everything and everyone and I don't think anyone could ever understand how much I want to change but can't even if I wanted to. I don't deserve to stick around or to have people staying by my side. Though I have realised the only one person I would always have around would be the person whom reflects me.

-riri-