4:05 a.m
That Should Be Me by Justin Bieber playing on fly.fm, and the feeling I once felt so deeply inside me like a stab at my heart, rushes back into me. It's back to the blurry memories of 2011. No, I won't think about it.
A couple more days (or maybe a day and a half) till school reopens. I just sigh. As much as it sucks to stay home doing almost nothing but imagining ways of dying, school is just another level of depressing. With never ending chores and studies I haven't done, not to forget assignments and homework I don't take any care of, it's just too much. Though I have no one else to blame but myself. I know I shouldn't let things get the best of me but how can I not?
I don't know how to settle down and get my head straight again. It's like problems of the world are all on my shoulders, thinking of everything yet sometimes nothing. Is it the blankness that troubles me all along? The lack of knowing what's going on with my surroundings or just the feeling of trying to block everything out? Everything seems so pointless. I need to get back on my feet and pull myself out of this lump. It just, gets so hard to be going through it alone but I don't dare to drag anyone with me. I can't risk getting disappointed. I can't risk having to put my hopes up just to let it crash down.
4:31 a.m : Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars once again at times like this, plays on fly.fm. Can it get any sadder? Despite how it hurts listening to this, it's one of my favourite.
I wish I had a bit more time. Away from home, school, everyone.
everything?
-riri-
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