feel me.

I sometimes can understand how people feel without them even telling me or with help of even just a little hint of information they manage to fill me in with but no one has ever been able to understand me fully, like a book carefully analysed from each line to each page. Well I shouldn't expect them to. Maybe I'm a bit gifted, with a curse able to cure others. It's ironic, because I hate mostly, maybe even everyone. Maybe reason being that I myself find it hard to express what I have inside by talking about it especially when it comes to talking about my actual feelings so I know how it's like for people who have the tendency to jumble up their words or sentences when they're talking about theirs.

I used to be so good at talking until one day, something hit me that I'm better off with my mouth shut. I was never good at talking since then. I can never talk about myself or my life and the past without getting teary, at times even end up crying. Shows just how important communication is. Because it's just that hard for me to do so. Instead, I write it all out. No voice, eye contact or even facial expressions required.

It gets lonely sometimes, to feel like you're the only one left in the world. No one would waste their time to understand. To most people, what I say, think, or how I see things are either preposterous or just utter bullshit. I don't mean to burden or disappoint anyone by being the way I am, I never planned to grow up that way. I just really, can't help it. So I constantly get mistaken for being self-centred and as they say, too full of myself. It's like the empathy I have for people is useless, it ends this way anyway. I guess no one ever had the thought of putting themselves in my place for once, ever crossing their minds.

Too young to be depress they would say.

Neglecting the fact that it isn't much about the physical things I have to go through in life. It's the mental and emotional torture they put me through. After all, they wouldn't understand because they're too blind or maybe selfish enough to not notice how they're the reason behind it.

No one would understand.

-riri-