a bit of persistence.

I guess they're starting to get worried, of me not eating
They think I'm on a diet. Then their mentality of "diet" is crap
I just, really, don't have the appetite to eat. Sometimes I do
but when I do, I don't. If that makes sense.

I keep myself lock up in my room. I try to study but I don't. I don't even know what I do but time past just as fast. I get hungry so I go to the kitchen, take a look at food and get sick. The first bite fills me up, if I chew on more I might just vomit it all back out. So basically this is my daily routine.

There are random moments that makes me a bit happier tho. It's the little things. Like this evening, I was so tired and sick I fell asleep and woke up to my brother handing me food. "I'm not hungry", I told him. "No no, eat this, it's good for you. You have to eat!", he said and he didn't leave the room until he saw me eating it. I wouldn't, but, he made it for me, how could I say no? It felt nice, it's always nice when someone shows you that they care. I don't eat or get out of my room much but sometimes I do, when people ask me to, just to have me around. It makes me feel like my presence mean something. Like how my brother would ask me to accompany him eating because he doesn't like to eat alone and I would, because if I didn't then he wouldn't eat. Sometimes he would ask me to join him eat and I'd refuse, sometimes he would push me to eat I guess because it's nicer to eat with a person than to just be accompanied by one so I would end up eating.

Sometimes I like it when people force me to eat or tell me to do things for my own good in a way that shows how they care sincerely. Maybe I just, we all do, love to be noticed.

-riri-