look at me now.

Thursday, 27 October 2011

it's our thing.

I'm not trying to be sweet or saying this because it's a couple thing. I'm saying this because this is real and it's really from the bottom of my heart. So we're different from any other couples that I've seen in my life before. He's different, I'm different- we're both different but that's what makes us awesome. I know some might look at us weirdly as some might think that we're cute together but in the end it's about what we think of each other. Just like anyone else,we got flaws and faults towards each other. Maybe we have things that we might dislike about each other but we could try and tolerate with each others behavior. We could find better people yet we still chose each other,ain't that something for ya?

I've made the decision and my answer was no and honestly, I'm glad that was my answer. I mean who was I trying to kid? Myself? I'll take him as he is, I love him for him. I know some might not like my decision but maybe this time what I had decide on is right. Maybe it's not a mistake. Guess what? Yesterday when I was about to call him and said those things that would really not just break his heart but mine too, suddenly my phone went berserk. I couldn't open it and I thought to myself that maybe this is a sign. This is THAT sign that I prayed for Allah to show me. We have this thing, this indescribable thing that only both of us knows about, that only we would understand.

Like I've said before, what we have is quite out of the ordinary just like a miracle or something so magical even though it seems just like another very-ordinary-daily-thing for others. It's like a secret we both share. Every time something bad happens or at times when I feel like we're falling apart, something really awesome would happen. I swear I tell you. It's something so overwhelming. Something that I really don't wanna let go of. It's a story of us. It's me and him. If only I could explain to those people who doubt what we have about how much this means to me and all the reasons why I love him. We're not normal, we're extraordinary. Yeah.

My dear Mohd Hakim bin Khairul Salleh, as always I do love you.

yours truly,riri

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

it's time.

Things are going okay. I'm quite hurt somehow. I don't know what's up with me but rara and si awesome makes it better so I'm thankful for that. I'm quite okay I guess but somehow I feel strange, it's like something bad is heading my way. And guess what? Something bad was heading my way. Yesterday I got a call from Reynah and she told me something that I swear I thought would be the last thing I would hear from anyone especially her. I can't believe what I heard but I guess I just gotta face the fact that what she said, it was real, it was real. I know Reynah and no, she would never lie to me. Even though what I heard was over what I'd expected to hear,I kinda could relate. I mean anything could happen right? the most hardest part is when I needed to decide. Either I leave or stay with this person that have the similarities to the last person who traumatised me.

So tonight will be the night that I'll be making my life miserable by making the biggest (maybe actually for my own good) decision. Is it yes or no, I'm still hesitating. Ya Allah, please give me a sign to show me what I should really decide on before it's too late. I know if I say yes, maybe this would be the end of everything I've ever wanted. As always, thing's happen for a reason. If it's gonna happen, then it will. I don't wanna be living in regret at the same time maybe regret is what I need. Answering YES would mean that I can't take this guy as he is and I'm not good enough for him. Why? have you ever heard of the phrase "if that person doesn't love you for who you are, that person isn't good enough for you"? that's why. I know people would think that I'm judgmental by now but they don't know the reason why and they don't know my story.

Dear Riri, once you make the decision just remember that there is no turning back. It's time it's really your turn to decide. Be ready to cry tonight.

yours truly, riri

6 incredible months.

22/10/11 -So we finally got through with all these obstacles for 6 months and we're still together. I honestly don't know what to say. I'm just speechless. This six months have been great even though we've changed a little. In shaa Allah everything will be okay. I don't know when will be the next time we'll meet and hopefully soon. I can't plan anything since my parents don't let me hang out unless they're there or if I'm eighteen or so. I guess I just gotta deal with it. I'm falling really hard for this guy and the harder I fall the more worried I get. Worried with what's going to happen next. I know I shouldn't be because I should just let the day take me by the hand. Things will be alright and we'll be fine. Btw I realised something, our special days always have the number "2" in it. for example:- I became his girlfriend on the 22th April, we first met on the 24th July, last met on the 24th September. Pretty awesome.

yours truly,riri

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

finally fourteen.

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to si kepeng, happy birthday to you.

Gosh you're fourteen now? Like pfft, fourteen? Seriously fourteen? You gotta be pulling my leg here. fourteen? WTH fourteen? ceeh mcm cari pasal pulak. Okay so you're fourteen. I've known you all my life and to see you grow up, oh it's so beautiful to me *being the dram queen that I am.* You're no longer a child now, you could finally eat without putting food inside your nose; I'm so proud of you. Just so you know, you're not hideous. Please do stop thinking negatively of yourself. You're beautiful the way you are and I bet there's hundreds of girls out there who wish they were you so cheer up chicken legs!

I love you with all my heart and remember that I'll always be here for you as you're always there for me. Yeah we got some fights and faults we've done to each other but let's let them all go pass us by. Remember R.I.B.A.S kay? Never forget that. You got people who loves you for who you are so don't ever change. You're so funny and I bet as you grow older you will soon become a clown. hahahaha kay I'm just kidding. I meant to say you would be even more funnier than you are now. lol. I'm running out of ideas so maybe I'll say more when we meet. May Allah bless you rara.

As they say :- rara got swaaaaaag
yours truly,riri.

P to the S:  r.i.b.a.s : rara/riri is bapak awesome sial (Y)

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

i wouldn't mind.

I feel different lately. I've lost my appetite to eat, I talk less even when it seems like I talk much, I feel so tired, I feel so lifeless. I don't know what my problem is. My head's spinning. My thoughts are driving me up the wall. I feel so devastated. I'm suffocating in despair. I fake it oh so well. It's like i'm a different person with my friends, as if I'm wearing a mask that could hide everything I feel inside. It's sad how even my friends can't tell. At times like this, I just need someone to hug me and say that everything we'll be okay. I'm not kidding.
It's times like this I really wanna go out with someone I could trust, talk to him/her or even just sit down doing nothing. Maybe we'll be in an awkward silence but I don't mind as long as I know that you'll be there with me. I just need someone to keep accompany. Hundreds of people around me, yet I feel like I'm the only one. Just once I wish people will stop pushing me, cut me some slack. I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm effing tired. ya Allah,what's happening to me? Can't someone come and save me, please someone please make my day. I just want somebody that cares enough to make the smile I put on to be sincere.

Ah I'll be fine.

yours truly,riri

one goes, a better one will come.

I know people come and go and I'm okay with that. When one person goes,a better one comes. If not now, maybe one day. At times even when we think that the person was meant to be in our lives, maybe he/she isn't. I mean they were in our lives and maybe they're gone now but everybody leaves something. A lesson maybe? I'm grateful of those who chose to stay and I appreciate those who left for someone better to come. I've lost some people I really love but I'm okay, I'll be fine.

3 years ago, someone who knows me more than anyone, even more than my parents know me, died. I remember everything, the way he looked at that time, the way he fell, the way everything was so unexpected and how fast it ended. I can't believe it's been three years already. Only Allah knows how much I love him. I, I just can't take it when people talk about him. I somehow start to cry. And yes, right now I'm crying. He's my hero, my idol, he's the first most amazing person I know. Seeing someone dying in front of you changes everything. When things like this happens, even dramas with people dying in it could make you cry. But I can't cry. I'll suck it up. I know he wants to see me smile, he wants me to be happy. I'll be okay. I'll make him proud one day.In shaa Allah.

yours truly,riri

Sunday, 16 October 2011

oh sweet memories do save me.

If you look at that photo closely you would see this "24 july:wish I'd never let you go" but I doubt that you could see it.

One thing about our relationship that I never experience in any other relationship I was in is the fact that every time things seem like it's about to fall apart, something awesome and heart-touching would happen. It's either something you or me said or do. There's times when maybe I thought this couldn't work or had my doubts in you but every time something like that crosses my mind, I would suddenly get a really overwhelming text from you or suddenly a flash back of every sweet moments we had together would cross my  mind. Probably this feeling can't be describe by any word found in the dictionary.

You know how typical it is for girls to want the guys to apologize even when it might slightly actually be the girls fault? Yes at times girls could be quite selfish and yes, I used to be one of those typical girls but I've change after I met you. You're not an ego-maniac yourself so why should I be one? Because of you, I realised that sooner or later guys get tired of girls who always expect guys to always start first, it should be equal. I wanna say sorry if I've done anything wrong. Oh how hard it is to find someone like you nowdays. 

Without you even doing anything, you suddenly made me realise that I can't waste my time on sulking and so on. I love you and I should show that I love you. I love the way you keep listening to my stupid stories and I love that you're always there for me but it seems like we're getting quite dull now. I don't have much to say to you as you don't have much to say to me but in shaa Allah we'll be alright.

yours truly,riri

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

for tomorrows sake.

saf: awak dengan hakim selalu jumpa berapa kali seminggu?
me: *remain silent for awhile* *then laugh a little* selama kita kenal dia, i've only met him twice.
saf: whaat? seriously? but korang sweet gila tahu?
me: haha really?
saf: yelaah.kan yang kitaorang tengok gambar awak tu, like dia datang all the way from shah alam. like whaaat, sanggup? sweet gila kot tengok korang
me: haha tulah kan? kita pun mcm tak percaya yang dia datang, sumpah awesome gila doh. memang awesome lah dia tu *looking out the window and smiling from ear to ear*

At times I look back at us and think to myself how could this ever be possible? And I answer my own question by saying that it could, it's happening. He's real, he's there. I can't describe how unbelievable this is to me. Waking up everyday and thinking that maybe this is all a dream and checking my phone and realizing that it's not. A thousand of things I wanna tell you if I could if only I could figure out what to say but for now there's only one thing, containing three words -I love you.

You have a lot of reasons to leave but you chose to stay and only Allah knows how overwhelming I am to know that fact and how grateful I am to be with you. Honestly, I have no reason to leave. It's almost like you're everything I've ever wanted. Is this too early to be said? Well, screw that. I remember on my 13th birthday party, I made a wish as I blew out the candles. I wished for a someone like you and look at me now, my wish came true.

Never ever and I really mean NEVER have I been in love with any guy like this, I've never felt this way for anyone but you. All the things we've been through, all the things you've done for me- I've got a thousand reasons to stay. You're so amazing. your presence in my life have change almost everything about me, I'm happier. I keep on playing every scene of those times when we first met and I love you more every time.

We have our ups and downs, obstacles keep getting harder and harder to face but as long as you're with me, I'll be okay. I remember those times when we weren't together yet and people were telling me how we wouldn't work or how weird it would be for us to ever be together. But that's what people do- they talk and talk but one day they'll stop. I won't listen to what they say no more. I love you and you love me and that's what matters. Screw what others say. I've been influence too much by my mind, it's time to listen to my heart.

And honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I am really deeply in love with you Mohd Hakim bin Khairul Salleh.

yours truly,riri

Monday, 10 October 2011

9/10/11 -once in a lifetime.

On this unforgettable day I went to this one place that has some kind of a 'garage sale' and it's only on Saturdays and Sundays. I wasn't into the new things they sold, I was ecstatic about all the antiques that they sell there. Honestly, I'm like really in love with all these antiques stuff especially antique cameras. Like god, those are my fav. Most of the antique cameras sold there aren't working anymore but I don't mind about that. I don't mind if I can't use it, just by having it would already satisfy my needs.

The first thing that caught my eye as I walk into that place was this bright red coloured gramophone. Then I saw this really really old typewriter which made me jump up and down as if I was five again. There was also this booth where this really sweet old picture of a husband and wife was sold which I really like. You know how I love those nerdy glasses? Yeah there was this booth that was selling all these glasses from the 60s and so on and one of this glasses caught my wide open eyes. I was like jumping of excitement that is- until I ask the price of course. It was RM200 ++ because it was a Dunhill - branded - glasses. So I didn't buy it of course.

My eyes was shining as my smile gets wider and wider at every booth I stop by at. If I had money, I would WASTE all of them on all the antique cameras there. And guess what? I bought one! and and I bought this 60s KEBAYA which really took my breath away the first time I laid my eyes on it. I was so desperate to buy it-scared of whoever that would suddenly 'fall in love' with it and buy it before me so I did bought it. I even met Pn. Azmah my science teacher when I was in standard 6. Also bumped into sis ara and marissa there.

Going there was super terrific, it was beyond awesome for me. Too bad I didn't bring much money. There was this beautiful ring that I was DYING to buy, unfortunately it cost RM1000 ++ . Well that's okay, at least I got my camera.

Btw I heard that the moon was so beautiful on that night, too bad I didn't get the chance to see it. I was hoping for something awesome to happen that day though. Well something did and I'm grateful. I kinda woke up at 3 in the morning to check my phone and there was a text from this guy I really love. I was smiling from ear to  ear as I read that text. Dear Mohd Hakim Khairul Salleh, I am really deeply in love with you <3

yours truly,riri

a difference.

So my brother's gonna come home in a couple of weeks. I'll get my camera back, finally. I guess I already know what's the first question he'll ask me at times when I'm holding my phone or smiling by myself. I could even list it down
  • where's hakim?
  • how's hakim?
  • si awesome mcm mana adik?
  • eh hakim pmr en?
  • alololo senyum sorang sorang ni asal? texting hakim eh? eh? alololo
  • budak tu pmr okay tak?
  • eh bila abang nak jumpa hakim ni?
  • hakim sihat?

The one question that my brother would probably ask with the most excitement is "are you still with Hakim?" . I know he probably would expect me to say "NO" but this time he'll be surprise and I hope he'll finally see him from a different perspective. He'll be all like "what? seriously?". I guess he's just used to me changing boyfriends and having a lot of crushes. Okay that didn't come out right, I didn't mean it like that. I mean well you know, when ever I have a boyfriend they would probably break up with me within a couple of weeks or days and I would have a new one in a few months which is why every time my brother comes back from MCKK he would probably hear different guy names said by me.

But it won't be like that this time and I hope it would never be like that. I really really really like this guy and when the time I'll say "yes, I'm still with him" to my brother, I hope he'll realise that fact.

yours truly,riri