look at me now.

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

it's the end?

I guess it is the end, but at the same time I'm hoping for you to tell me that it's not. I have to make a decision now and I already have but I'm not sure about it. I know where I stand and it's no where near you. Because you're up high and I'm down here. No, I'm not trying to make you look like the bad guy here, I'm just telling you what I want to but can't.

You know how I am right? I'm not good at making new friends, I'm too shy and too scared. Don't tell me that I'm better of without you because I'm not. You say that I'm hot and wtv so I could make new friends easily, well I can't okay? I'm not you, you're different, friendly and fun but I'm not. You already have new friends I see, and I don't. You know that I've been through such a hard time these days right?

You know that I have a bunch of problems with my family since I am like the black sheep to them now right? I can't believe that this is actually happening. I never said I was hot, I always denied when you say I'm pretty or cute or things like that and it never ever even cross my mind that I was too good to be your friend or you don't deserve me. You wanna know why?

Because I don't care whether you're pretty or hideous, smart or dumb, hot or a complete loser, from the smartest class or from the lowest one, rich or poor, is perfect or not cause no matter what you are still my bestfriend. I'm proud to have you as my bestfriend. You are amazing just the way you are, you don't need all those luxurious things to show how great you are :)

I never thought you would go this low and I don't mind anymore. I respect your choice and privacy, so I guess you won't hear much about me now. Since I won't bother you anymore with my silly problems or annoying guy stories. You have new bestfriends and I'll try to stick to being who I am. I hope you're happy now and if you need anything just ask me okay? 

I just thought this would last longer, I will never forget our craziness precious moments and I hope you won't either. Please, for the thousands of time, never say that I'm better than you. The facts is, we are all imperfect humans, we have flaws and nobody in this world is perfect. Never let people tell you that you can't do things that you like and always stand up and face the crowd.

I know you babe, don't smile to me anymore if you're not sincere about it okay? Thanks for everything.

Now I'm just waiting for a call from you to say that this was all a misunderstanding but if that doesn't happen, it's okay. I'm just hoping any of my friends would care and love me enough to call me and ask what's the matter, if not I just don't deserve to have friends. Gosh, I'm such a drama queen.

yours truly,

i'm sorry, i'm not perfect.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect, I never said I was and I never will be. I've change a lot, I know but you have change a lot too, don't you realise? I see you treat me differently now, I see you smile at me often but I know it's just another fake one. I never wanted to change. The fact that you were the one who started to change first that made me change. It's not all my fault.

I said I didn't have friends at my blog, yes I can't deny that. I can't believe you are mad at me because of that. You know what, the truth is you are not my friend because YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND. Those are two way different things. I'm devastated that you would say such a thing, I really am & the saddest part is I feel like you are against me.

I thought that we were supposed to tell everyone everything, no secrets, zero-zero, clean and shining. What happen to that promise babe? What happen to "let's talk about this" ? You don't know how hurt I'm feeling now. I noticed you were acting differently from the beginning and I didn't want to ask why because I'm sure you would say that everything was okay so I waited, I waited and I waited but you told me nothing.

Remember the first time when you decided that we shouldn't be friends, and after that case was settle we promised that if we had any problems with each other we should just open our mouth and speak, remember? I'm quite disappointed, to be honest. Why is it so wrong if I don't say much about my best friends in my blog and write more about the guy I like or my problems?

It's like you don't know me anymore, don't you know that I have never forgotten you even for a second of my life? Ya Allah, you guys are the best of the best, haven't I told you that many of times? Why is it that you seem to still have doubts about our friendship? I thought we were cool now, no more of this "we're not gonna be friends" shit anymore. What happen to us? Was it all my fault?

I mean like really, was it? I know, I know that I don't deserve to be your friend because I'm not kind, perfect, or texting and calling you everyday. Well I thought that best friends would never question their friendship, they could stay quite for hours sitting and smiling to each other and still know that they're bestfriends. I know I haven't talk much to you lately but that's because the way you look at me shows that you seem like you would rather run than talk to me :/

I'm speechless, I don't know how I should face all of this. I could tell you one thing, all this actually made it easier to decide whether I should leave or not. I know I'm not that important anymore since you always see all my bad side and I could prove that because this is the second time you by some reason, make it obvious that you don't wanna be friends with me.

It hurts to hear you say that you don't care because you already thought this would happen. Well you wanna know something? I'm not you and yes, I do care, A LOT, more than you know it. I know that we're not like before-telling problems and sharing secrets but I know that we would still be best friends, I WISH. I know I have a lot of haters but I don't care as long as I have you but no more, sorry for irritating you.

yours truly,
riri :|


What is the meaning of trust?
I don't know myself but what I know is,
for me, trust is something that holds people together,
that could change somebody into somebody else.

It's when we give someone all our trust and that somebody,
betray us without even the slightest feeling of guilt.
And somehow we are either too nice or just crazy enough to trust them again sooner or later.

Or when someone has lost their trust in us just because,
of a little misunderstanding. We tried to explain but they just won't budge.
And we keep asking and thinking to ourselves,
why wouldn't they listen to us for just once in their life.

Sometimes people need to know that they just need to shut up and listen,
and some people should learn to apologize,
People should not just pinpoint on somebody before they know the real deal.

Sometimes no matter how hurt we are, we just have to forgive and forget.
If we have told ourselves to never trust anyone ever again, forget about it.
Because sooner or later, we just have to face the fact that we can't do this alone,
and we have to start to trust people again and just start over.
yours truly,

the unexpected.

Lets say you've been friends with this person,
for a long time and you thought that maybe it would last forever.
Just maybe life would get a little bit brighter than before.
That maybe everything would finally fall right into place.

But this time luck was not on your side,
everything was not as it seems.
That person you trust and told your secrets to
turn on their backs and stabs on yours.

That crushed feeling that you feel at that very moment,
to finally find out that all this time they were never the person you thought they were.
It's sad and devastating - you end up all alone with people who talks shit about you
and look at you as if you're some kind of serial killer. Don't you know how that feels?

You realize how cruel people can be,
You learn that you should never trust anyone so easily.
You just gotta start over again and try to make things a lot better.
yours truly,

Thursday, 24 March 2011

for the first time.

It's almost 3a.m & I was sleeping, kind of
I heard somebody whispered to me "sabrina aku call MHKS eh?"
I ignored it cause I thought I was dreaming. Until I heard somebody shouted

"sabrinaa aku call hakim tau?", I ignored it
"sabrinaa aku call si awesome eh?", I ignored it
"sabrinaa aku call boyfriend kau tau? tau?, " still ignored it

I continued my slumber, secretly waiting to see whether she actually would do that and well, she did

"HELLO" *a guy's voice
My eyes widen like saucers the second I heard that voice.
I was like are you for real?! I swear I thought she was kidding,
I thought to myself a thousand times that maybe I'm just dreaming.

I had to face the facts that the guy who was on the other line of the line was my boyfriend,
I mean a boy who's my friend. haha. I can't believe my best friend and my cousin would call him in the middle of the morning. I couldn't recall what the conversation they had was all about because I was 100% focusing on that guy's voice. Awesome I tell ya.

You know how some people fall in love by just listening to someone's voice?
Yeah, I think I'm one of them.
yours truly,


So a few days ago, my mum told me that maybe we're not gonna stay here for long.
Just until the end of the year and then we'll move away, maybe.
I don't know where we're gonna go to but I get the feeling its far away than where we are staying now.

The second intake for SBP is over and my dream to go to SSP had been shattered.
So I guess I won't be going anywhere for now.
I'm quite disappointed but I'm used to it so I'm fine I guess.

That was what I thought at first but after a few months schooling here, I feel quite okay but I still don't like it here that is until the news that my mum told me just now of course, everything changed at that very second.
She said that my uncle had away to get me in, I figured that he would pull some strings to do that for sure.
My mum asked whether I really wanted to go to SSP or not and I . . . .

I don't even know anymore.
I would love to but at the same time I feel like I don't want to.
Knowing that I'm gonna have to start late and back to the start, can I handle that?

Could I? Should I?
I want to but . . .
If I do, guess there's no more si awesome for me eh?
yours truly,

Thursday, 17 March 2011

long distance relationship?

I've been thinking a lot lately, I'm really falling hard for this guy.
Somehow I feel like there's some hope for me to get him
but another half of me thinks that I should just let it go.

'Cause I know, even if he would ever get to be mine, I can't actually meet him.
Unless my parents are there but thats just weird.
They aren't the kind that would let their kids go hang with friends or even sleep over at someone's house.

How would we ever meet? I know there's no one patient enough to wait so long.
Like this is super weird for me.
I have never dreamt of a guy before, and twice.
Sometimes I think he would actually take me as a freak.

I don't know what I'm feeling now.
Every time I think about it, my stomach just jumps into my throat.
Every time I get a message from him, my heart will skip a beat.

I'm so pathetic.
You know what, MHKS I love you and I guess that's all that matters :)

yours truly,

Thursday, 10 March 2011

what happened to me?

Since I went to secondary school, I realised something.
I haven't laugh as much as I used to.
I'm not as cheerful as I was in standard six.
And haters,whats up with that?

Is it me? Is it my friends?

I miss hanging out with my buddies,
laughing my guts out at their hilarious jokes.
When I was twelve, I finally saw life in a different perspective.

I had fun, I found myself again.
I learned how important my friends were to me.
My friends actually made me WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL.
How great was that: well very.

It's true what they say; when you're twelve- in between of growing up and leaving childhood, you'll realise how awesome it feels to be a kid & you feel scared to grow up, go to secondary school & lose your friends.

Afraid to change but hey, that's life.

I guess being twelve is the awesome-es age to be cause at that age you'll learn so many things, even things you never thought you would learn.
Like that feeling when your friend ends your friendship for example.

Gosh I miss those times :/
yours truly,

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

when my heart starts beating.

MHKS, I like you <3
I know it sounds crazy, weird and awkward but that's just how I roll.

If I have you, I won't walk away. I'm sure of it.
I'm like really having a crush on you, never knew it could turn out this way.
You're awesome super comel, and it was nice knowing you.

No I just, I like you, I honestly do.
Yesterday after all those text messages that we sent to each other, I had a dream about you.
I was shocked to wake up realizing so.

At school during the exams,
I kept on daydreaming about you.
It wasn't a bad thing actually, because time flew a lot faster when I did that.

I would tell you how I feel but I can't.
It's too early, I will soon but not soon enough.
Now it's just you and me, getting to know each other better
and that's good enough for now.

yours truly,

Monday, 7 March 2011

si awesome.

Mohd Hakim bin Khairul Salleh <3
This guy is amazing. So I just knew him recently, it's not like we've been friends for a long time or anything but I feel like we have. It's fun being his friend.
I think he's hot, okay I should shut up.
He's not like most of the guys that I know who would act as if they're so good or hot and so on.
He's humble and I like that. He's surprisingly friendly.
Always overwhelming me with sweet things.
I like that comfortable feeling I get when I'm talking or texting with him,
because I usually feel quite awkward around guys like him, especially.

He said he'll never forget me, auwwww sho sweet of you.

lol comel I love you lol

yours truly,

Sunday, 6 March 2011

you got me starstruck.

"I do remember you lah. hehe :B "

Five words, five precious unforgetable words,
five breathtaking words.

These five words that made me went head over heels,
the words that made me smile to my ears.

It may not be those "I love you" that most of the girls are dying to hear from the guys they adore.
I don't mind, because knowing that you, the guy I adore so freakin much, remembers me,
is the best thing that could ever happen for me.

There's just something about you that I can't point out, that's making me adore you so much.
It's not because of your looks but this 'thing' that I like so much about you. You're different, one in a million.

No, this IS NOT a love letter,
this is a note to show you that I wanna be friends
honestly, I think you're beyond awesome.

Getting the chance to even chat with you,
oh my god it's just so out of this world.
Thank you so much, I truly honestly appreciate it,
from the bottom of my heart.

I absolutely adore you, you're beyond awesome

yours truly,