look at me now.

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

pathetic yet lucky.

Thank you for turning your back on me, thank you for watching and standing by while you watch me burn.

A little birdie told me that most of the form one students hate the fact that I'm coming back. They say I might be all "gedik" and stuff. So they're probably gossiping and talking crap about me and having fun by doing so. It somehow makes me question where my real friends are.

I'm tired of you people who somehow with no legitimate reason, hating on me and backstabbing me and talking crap about me. What did I ever do to you guys? Honestly, what is it that you hate so much about me?

We never meet or even talk to each other before.
Is it me, being so happy, by some reason is disturbing you?
Is it me being friendly with people somehow is sickening you?
Is it me being known more than you would ever be is somehow annoying you?

I'm not a wimp for not saying this straight to your face, because I obviously don't even know who in the hell you are. And even if I do know you, do you think you would ever listen to what I'm gonna say?
So silly of you guys. I'm not gonna make a big scene out of this, that's just moronic. Stop it. You jealous? HA to the HA, you gotta be kidding me? For what? You hate me for being so "gedik" ? Since when?
I know who I am, I know how I am and I definitely know I'm not what you think I am.

It's pathetic, I'm pathetic for even being in this situation. I just can't stand it anymore but well, I got people who cares about me and I appreciate them for hearing me out. They're more than anything you haters could ever get.
yours truly,

i don't need anybody else.

I've known many guys but none like you :)

I was starring at the sky from the window of my room,
then something hit me. I suddenly remembered all those "first time" text messages that you sent me. I couldn't resist myself from smiling to my ears reminiscing all those texts that never fail to make me go all head over heels for you.

I remember when I asked you for your full name and you asked mine then you said "Why's your name so cute?". I was blushing >.< and when I told you that I didn't have a boyfriend you told me how weird it was that I don't have one since I'm such a cute person.

I remembered that I told you most of the guys who were once close with me often forgets about me after awhile and at that time you told me something I never heard any guy ever telling me,literally. You said you would never forget me. I was so touched.

I knew by that second that you'd stole my heart so I wrote it in my blog and I never knew you'd read it. I was surprised, really. But I was rather glad that you did. You told me that you like me too and so much more. You're so sweet. Making me blush,way too many times.

The first time you called me dear I was like whoahhh, I could barely breath but what I love the most was when you would call me "baby". It was the way you say it I guess. The first time you apologized with "baby" in the same sentence was totally adorable <3

The first time you said "I love you", yes that was the day you made me smile like a crazy person and just by saying that, nothing could ruin my week. It's awesome how I don't mind being all silly and making myself look stupid around you, and yet you still love me.

I remember that this one day you ask how I was and I told you I was devastated and I told you all my problems, it was a friend problem. It was weird for me because I just knew you and I suddenly felt so comfortable with you that I told you everything. And you told me not to worry, you said you'll always be by my side.

I love the way you make me go head over heels for you.
I love that you've been reading my blog before.
I love that every time I see something green and cute I would remember you.
I love that you manage to make me smile even when I'm devastated.
I love that you listen to all my problems.
I love that you call me baby.
I love that you take me as I am.
I love how adorable you are when you apologize.
I just love you Mohd Hakim bin Khairul Salleh, everything about you <3<3<3

yours truly,

Sunday, 22 May 2011

sabrina, look how much you've grown.

Moving on is not about not looking back. It's taking a glance at yesterday and seeing how much you've grown since then.

So I was checking out all my previous posts in 2010 and I laughed about it, like a lot. It's funny really, I was so immature about well, almost everything. Like oh my god, why did I hate so much? Why was it so hard for me to forgive? Why was I talking shit all the time and why did I think that my life was so devastating? The most important thing is, why did I hate myself so much?

Yeah this 2011, I've noticed how much I've grown.
I'm more positive now.
I don't hate myself, I learn that in this year. This year that begin with so much problems and horrible things; a year of so much trouble to start with. Oh how much of a better person I've turn into. Gonna make more mistakes, gonna learn more for the best.

I'm already immune to backstabbers, it's easier to forgive now.
My life is quite awesome. I'm not just having lovers but haters too.
I know that I'm special even when I think I'm not cause the fact is, everyone's special.
I don't care how ugly people might say I am, it's the inside that matters.
I could survive even with people who I can't stand with.

Being patient with whatever shit talk that's gonna and already have been thrown to my face. Being nice, polite and always smiling to not just let myself feel good but also to make those people in my surroundings happier. Forgiving all the despicable things that people I once trust had done to me and also the rumours that haters spread.

Sometimes I feel like people are not appreciating me for what I've done but I don't care anymore because good deeds are not supposed to be done just to show it off at people. It's okay if they never realise it, at least I already know what I did was good.

I've grown, better and smart enough to make the right decisions.
And I know, sometimes, somehow, stupid decisions are also gonna be made by me.

Life is like a roller coaster, it could be so exciting but sometimes scary.
Life is also like a wheel, you're gonna be on top someday but also on the bottom sometime.

I appreciate what I have and yes, I have finally learn to love myself.

yours truly,

boy ,you make me melt.

I love your hair, your eyes, your smile, your face, your sense of humour, your voice, your style, I love you. Everything about you actually. Your perfectness and also your imperfections.

I know lately I've been busy, but a second doesn't go by without you crossing my mind.

Boy you make me melt, I'm so head over heels for you.
I know I might not be the awesomest girlfriend you've ever had but you picked me and well that meant something. Can you believe that I kinda sorta like you since the first time you said "hey".  Yeah I know that sounds silly but it's true. You made me felt something, something that I haven't felt for a long time, something that I obviously don't wanna let go of.

There are many guys I know but none like you, I know that sounds so cliche. haha. Before you even knew me, I already know who you were actually because well you were a friend of my best friend. And we started of just like that as a friend of a friend, then we became friends and then,we become this.

It's weird how I'm so eager to tell the whole world about you. Because I've never actually talk about a guy in so much detail, at my blog before. I know that I promise myself not to fall in love again but somehow I couldn't let you go.

I mean what if i never told you my feelings and one day i'll see you in a relationship with some girl, that's not me, and realize how much of an imbecile i was to had let you pass me by without saying a thing.

The thing I regret the most is forgetting your birthday.
Do you know that since that day I've been wondering what if one day you'll find someone who remembers everything about you especially your birthday and somehow you'll think that it was a mistake being with someone like me who couldn't even remember your birthday.
What if I hurt you? What then? I so don't deserve you.
I just, I love you big time si awesome <3<3

yours truly,

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

story 4: oh the boy and his ambition.

He was just another boy, but he was not like any other boy, he was different in a good way. Girls adore him, well who can blame them right? He was a tall, slim, dark toned lad yet very handsome. He hangs with the hot kids (supposedly) and he doesn't talk much but laughs a lot ,just when he's with his friends of course.

I was the new kid who came from somewhere far, Perak. I'd always look at his smile and wonder, wondered what it's like to be him. He doesn't talk that much yet always has a smile on his face. I wondered how sincere that smile was.
Oh no I didn't have a crush on him or anything, being friends with him was also something that had never crossed my mind, other than I just had nothing better to do, I was just curious.

One day my teacher ask me to sit next to him in class and suddenly everything changed.
Somehow, we became friends. He was nothing like I imagine he would be; he was funny and awesome, he made me laugh almost everyday but like I said, I don't have a crush on him or anything.
Honestly, he was different. I don't know how I can describe it but it's just he's different. And again, I mean in a good way.

He's not like the rest of the guys I know from his group. While every other guy was thinking about girls, he was thinking and focusing on his ambition that is, to be a photographer. I now look at him in a different perspective 'cause well he's different. I honestly couldn't believe he was so ambitious by the looks of the people he was hanging out with.

We were always talking to each other in class, never a real talk and he always gets me in trouble. haha. I remember my friends use to be like " ecececeh, sabrina ada something ke ni?" and my teachers were like "sabrina, awak tak payah layan sangat lah dia tu" . But I ignored everything, we're just friends never more. I remember one time both of us were checking mudah.com tu see if there were any DSLR cheap enough for us to buy and he ask me to buy him one. haha

It's weird, really. I mean like a handsome guy like him hanging out with a loser like me.
Then we became thirteen and things, well they change. He didn't talk to me much at school because he hates rumors that'd spread but that's okay I understand. He would still fill me in with new songs by Owl City.
We have the same ambition but it was different for him, he change his ambition because of this one thing. Now he wants to travel around the world and I believe in him, I believe he would achieved his dreams.

I don't know why but somehow I feel like his so called friends doesn't understand him and his dreams as much as I do. Somehow I just wish he would hang with friends who are really suitable for him, like the ones who believe in him and supports him no matter what.

 Though who am I to judge right? I have no rights.
Dude, a reminder from me, never give up.
yours truly,riri

Saturday, 7 May 2011

mark my words.

Mirauwr you're right, sometimes I do think that this friendship is going no where. With you in STF and ilya in smksi, it's hard for me to contact both of you. I know once three of us meet again this june, it would probably be awkward, like meeting strangers.

That's okay, no matter what happens I still want us to be best friends.
Being awkward is not a problem cause I'm sure you just give us five minutes and we'll be back to our crazy-abnormal-self again. Nothing can change us & no one can separate us or stop us from being what we are best.

We were born to meet each other, think about it.
We knew each other in standard 5 & became best friends in standard 6. And I was the new loser kid, mirauwr was in the "in" crowd and ilya was just popular and friendly, then somehow our used-to-be-best friends found other people & we found each other.

Both of you open my blind fold & turn me into myself again, you guys made me show my true colors. I was afraid people won't like my weird crazy self but you guys showed me that being me was already good enough. You guys welcomed me open handed. You guys made me have self confidence again.

Both of you are the most precious gift in my life, I couldn't possibly ask for more. I can't describe how much I love you & how nobody in this entire universe could ever replace your spot in my heart. I would never forget you two,in fact everyday I think about the good times we had with each other. I miss you guys.

You don't know how much this friendship means to me, no diamond or gold in this universe is enough to make me let go of it. Everyday I pray that this friendship will last, I honestly might stop breathing if one day one of you tell me that it's over. Please don't let this go, I couldn't bare the thought of my life without you two.

Nur Ilya Izzati bt Shahnoor, Amira Syahira bt Ahmad Rasyidi, I love you more than myself & I hope that our friendship would never meet the word "end".

May Allah bless us.
yours truly,