look at me now.

Monday, 22 August 2011

4 amazing months.

 It all began with a simple confession. you had an urge to kiss me and I was on the verge to miss you - Random Awesome - Yuna

Like wow it's been four months already? I can't believe it, seriously I can't. It feels like it was just yesterday since you first said "hey". For me, four months, is quite a long time. Well what do you expect from a girl who had never been in a relationship for more than two months.

So here goes- Hi there hakim/ si awesome/ mr amazing/ froggymeowmeow, these 4 months have been amazing for me. I never thought that you'd be the one to hold my heart. You've brighten up my days, made me fall out of bed, smiled to my ears and cry tears of joy. I trust you with all my heart, trust you enough to tell you about my deepest darkest secrets and I hope that you won't make me regret it one day. So this is obviously the first ever relationship of mine which I consider long lasting and I'm grateful. Also, you're the first guy I've ever went on a date with. Honestly, I'm glad you're the first.

I suddenly remembered the first time I told you about my problems and I remembered that you told me not to worry because you'll always be by my side. Which was just too sweet much. You're sweet, just like sugar or maybe even sweeter I supposed? I've always been the kind of person who has so many crushes on people but once I like really like a person, than those guys I have a crush on are nothing compared to the person I likelike. They say if you like a person for less than four months than it's just another crush. So it's already four months and yes, i'm still deeply in love with you. I've hoped that you won't just be another crush and thank god you're not. Because I love you and I'll always do.

You're beyond amazing. I don't know about you but you're the most awesome boyfriend I've ever had ♥ I know it's usually hard for a long distance relationship to last long but hey we still trust and love each other right? Well that's all we need. I hope that we'll meet again soon and I love you with all my heart sayang <3
Last but not least, happy anniversary!

yours truly,

running away.

Me-the least expected person to ever cut herself. 

Life again has gotten on my nerves. Things are going shitty again. At some point I just can't stand it but I can't tell anyone about  it because I know what they'll think: that this isn't such a big problem and I'm just being immature and making a big fuss out of it. Life has given me obstacles still I bite my tongue saying it's wonderful. And know nothing I do can make things better when it's better when I do nothing. At times it's just how things go, I got problems but keep it to myself. I know I got people who I could trust enough to tell this to but it's just not such a big problem; I could handle it. Maybe. Raya this year would obviously be like last year- which fyi sucks. I'm thinking of leaving home and everyone there for a couple of days maybe? I need to get some rest. I'm seriously tired of all the drama. I just wanna walk around and talk to people without trying to hide all the problems I have.

I just wanna be with my friends like before, open up and let myself be free. All I ask is for a day where I don't need to do any work or be scold at. I don't wanna cut anymore. I just wanna be who I am for once this year, I wanna laugh my ass off without being scold to keep it down, I wanna hang with my friends and cousins without having my mum around, I wanna eat outside so I don't need to wash everyone's dirty dishes for once, I wanna sleep at someone's house so I won't hear anyone shouting out my name to do more never ending chores, I wanna do my exams without caring what grades I get, I want someone to support me and believe in me, that's all. My parents don't even trust me and I can't do anything to change it. I just, can't.

yours truly,

great iftar.

So I met ira and nissa yesterday, berbuka bersama <3 it was epic. Superb awesome. I thought we were gonna be kinda awkward at first because I'm always awkward when I meet those who I hadn't met in awhile but things when just smooth. I had fun, felt a little bit more light. Suddenly my shoulders felt less heavier. I walked around that place with nissa, we went here and there, even to places where we're not allowed to go, we act like little children. It was amazing. This night, ira opened up to me, and well I listened like she has always did for me. I felt kinda flattered that she would share her problems with me even though we're not like exactly best friends who always meets contact, or hang together. She's like three years older than me maybe? But super cool and yeah it was fun talking to each her. It felt as if we were best friends for a long time. It overwhelmed me to know that the things she told me that night was something she had never told anyone. It looks like we have some very private things in common. I felt trusted when she told me all these problem of hers. Going back was the hardest part. It was really sad. We hugged each other as always and it felt kinda devastating to let go. "Take care, I'll miss you". Can't get that out of my mind. Honestly, I kinda cried a little as we part. This was literally the first time breaking fast with my dad's friend that felt awesome, because they were there. Hoping and praying to meet them again soon. In shaa Allah. be strong ira. I miss you and I love you two big time.


Tuesday, 16 August 2011

i'm back to square one.


I hear my favorite songs and I cry. Even happy songs make me cry, even the ones they put in clubs. Am I going to lose my mind soon? The radio suddenly plays all those songs from last year and the year before which was full of memories. Songs that reminds me a lot of me and you, about us, about our times together and those unforgettable moments we had.

To move on, I have to move forward but at times I need to look back just to remind myself of how much I've grown since then. To move forward is easy. It's when I start to have a glimpse of the past that's hard. Because somehow, when I do that, I just can't get my head back to the present . I keep on hanging on to the past. It's just to precious to be let go of as I keep on replaying the same scene inside my head.

What am I supposed to do? I can't take that awkward feeling I have when I pass by those who had once brighten up my days but strangers now. The look in our eyes, whats on our mind? Thinking do they miss those times as much as I miss them. Wishing our path we walk on are the same. Wishing that we could talk and joke around with each other like before without having a care in the world.

Dear sabrina, grow up. Open your eyes. Things change. Go with the flow. Don't hold back. The truth is sabrina, if you want everything you once had, you just need to have an effort. You could, I know you could. Thing is, you don't choose to. Beause if you did, you would've tried and get everybody back together. You're not trying your best so this is what you get.

I'm back to where I start. Trying to find my true friends again. Losing more and more friends. Changing for the better. Still looking back at times. I'm gonna be just fine.

yours truly, riri

Sunday, 14 August 2011

this innocence is brilliant.

Waking up I see that everything is okay,the first time in my life and now it's so great
slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

I've said goodbye to all my doubts.
I shouldn't think too much about all these negative things, it's a waste of my time. I should be enjoying my life not making  it worst. It's hard to trust someone when someone had broken your trust before, but not this time. This is worth it, he is worth getting hurt for. Is this to early to be said? That's okay, I'll just go with the flow. What's gonna happen, will happen.

Last night I slept with my heart and mind full of doubts and woke up feeling free and light as a feather. I'm fine, I'm feeling awesome. I'm not worried anymore. "He might meet or see and talk to other pretty girls, but you know that it's only you that he sees". I'm okay with that.

your truly,

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

you made my day.

11:11 am, 1 august 2011
so si awesome called just to say "hi" .
yeah that's all. LOL

Then again, honestly, it was quite cute :) It's been awhile since I heard his voice
(a week baru ). So to get to hear his voice again even if it's only just him saying "hi", could really make me smile. I've been listening to Please Don't Go - Mike Posner over and over and over again today. This is one of the songs that reminds me of him. The part where he goes "baby please don't go, if I wake up tomorrow will you still be here" one. Well if you're wondering why, there's a story there, a sweet one.

One of my closest friends had just experienced the worst suck-ish breakup ever. I feel so sorry for her and beyond mad at the guy who made her cry. After what I saw happened to them, doubts started to creep back in me and that's where fear came knocking on my door. I suddenly felt sad and disturbed and full of doubt towards my relationship with the most awesome guy I've ever known.

You know what, one thing about our relationship is, every time I have any doubts on him, something amazing would suddenly happen or be said by him that would blow all those annoying doubts away. It's like there's something magical yet unexplainable about us. So today he told me something that I had always wanted to know, he overwhelmed me and made me smile to my ears again, as always. Seriously, he is the most awesome guy I have ever known all my life so far.

He made my day <3 Oh if only I had knew him much earlier, life would be so much easier. Well things happen for a reason and I'm grateful to get the chance to know him and well, having him by my side. I know I could trust him, and I know that he's loyal. It might be too early to say this but hey, I'll take the risk. It's worth it

Mohd Hakim Khairul Salleh, you're so amazing and I love you with all my heart <3 p="">
yours truly,riri.

Monday, 1 August 2011

hello JULY.

So it's July already.
Okay that was fast.

 It felt as if it was just yesterday I celebrated my birthday and now it's almost the end of the year? Gosh time really does flies. I know ramadhan has just started but I'm somehow so excited for Syawal to come. I'm really looking forward for this year's raya. I can't figure out why myself. Maybe something good will happen? Maybe raya this year will be more cheerful and peaceful ? Maybe this time I won't get scold so constantly? Maybe I'll get to meet si awesome? Or maybe this raya would be different because I have si awesome by my side, in shaa Allah.


yours truly,