sober - mahalia.

I have to remind myself of how it felt. Now this feels some sort of similar to my previous time.
Said I'd packed my bags though how far has it been from there?

-riri-

loop.

I could only imagine myself being as ecstatic if he did pick up, instead when it occurred, for a moment I felt like all the weight on my shoulders have been lifted. Suddenly it was easier to cry. I really needed that cry. If only I were able to express how grateful I felt to be able to, before I gather myself back together as we ended it. I keep in mind that it's still different this time. I can't let him know. Nothing to hide, just why would it be a matter to him?

You don't have to believe it's love. I don't want it to be that myself. Miraculously, I still sense the warmth and a missing inside. Of course I tell myself it's only me. He's a sunnier day. I think it's contagious so it can't be what I would assume it to be. Until I looked back and realised it has always been this way despite the circumstances. How the only time I feel the opposite is when he chooses to turn a blind eye just to walk away. Now it sounds ironic and obvious how ridiculous this belief could be but I'm really tired of pretending or trying ways of everyone else.

I've always been wrong or out of place, too much or too little, this or that, whatever it is everybody says or believes I am. I want to burst into the sky and be done with it. I want to drown in my bed and sink into a blackhole but I was really happy. It's utter stupidity that it shouldn't make sense and it doesn't (though it does). Even so, it still feels nice to hear from him.

Suddenly my brain was on the move and I wanted to get things done although gradually breaking again, I was a bit more calmer than I was. Perhaps love just has no boundaries. I know it's the same kind to me, yet again, I tell myself it's just me. Aware it's not me he will ever love the same again. That he's better off without, and he wants me to believe the same for myself when it comes to him.

-

Well he sounded so fine; I wish I was able to be a part of that.

In spite of it I'm well aware it's no longer right for me to be.

-riri-