look at me now.

Saturday, 31 December 2011

never will i forget.


it all started on..

You added me on facebook. I knew who you were, you were my bestfriend's friend so I approved you. I thought you were just like all the other guys who added me and only said "hi" the first time I approved them and went away just like that but I stand corrected. You were different. I know we had just met but I felt something different when I chatted or text with you, happy maybe? I guess I was falling for you and to be honest, I was scared I was the only one who felt this way. I remembered I had a problem with some friends and you asked me to not to worry because you would always be here for me.

We've became really closed. I was surprised. I was head over heels for you. It's been awhile and nothing has happen yet between us. You seemed like you had feelings for me too but I denied it every time I thought about it even though you've given me too many signs already because I thought it could never happen. But it did. A day after justin bieber's concert, you ask me to be your girlfriend. I was overwhelmed and trust me, I couldn't stop smiling that day. It was a miracle to me and it felt so magical. Then shit happened to me and again, you were there for me.

I had a problem with my family. I was on the edge of breaking down. Nobody at that time could understand what I was going through. My dad didn't come back and my mum blamed me. I was literally devastated. I didn't know what to do. YOU were the only one who was there for me. You were there for me when I was at my lowest. Everybody else seemed to have their own thing to do but you didn't, you cared enough to helped me out and calm me down. I felt like I was the luckiest girl alive at that time.

Two months have past. Was I dreaming? No. This was bloody true. I remembered you ask me a few times if I could go to that cheer leading competition at Bukit Jalil if i'm not mistaken. I said I wasn't sure at first then it turns out I couldn't go. My mum wasn't gonna give me permission any time soon because of something I did I guess. You said it was okay but I felt guilty.

This was the first time we met. Yes, I got to go to that competition. I remember you calling me asking where was I and guess what? I saw you first. I walked to you and act as if I didn't see you and I hit you. You were shocked, you should've seen your face back then. Super adorable. It turns out we both were wearing blue shirts. We didn't planned it, it just happened. I remembered the way you look into my eyes, the way you laughed and smiled. To be honest, when I was with you.. I couldn't see anyone else. My eyes was set on you, just you. The hardest part was letting go. I remember I kicked your leg, accidentally stepping on your feet and hit you again before I went home. Haha it was funny. I love you.

You were busy studying for PMR and I wanted to text or call you so badly but I didn't because I was scared I would be disturbing you but you, you always had the time for me. and that was what I love the most about you. 

I invited you to my Jamuan Raya on the 24th and you said you might not make it but you did. You were there. You came all the way from Shah Alam. I was so overwhelmed. I felt guilty cause you had to go through a lot just to get here. It was so amazing. I remember the adrenaline rush I had. My cheeks kept blushing. Oh you were just amazing. I love the part when I asked for your phone and you taught me how to use it :p you put my picture as your wallpaper. Sweet~

Things have changed a little. You were too busy. I had to admit, there were still some sweet moments between us. Remember that dream you had  about me? Yes that was the sweetest thing ever. After you told me about that dream, I was sure that this would last but I should've known that dreams are just dreams. It's 9.10.11 and I wanted to call you so badly but I was too afraid that I would disturb you studying. I woke up at 3 something in the morning to see if you text me and you did. You said the moon was so beautiful that night and how you wish you could see it with me. I slept smiling to my ear I tell you.

Things have change, I was full of doubts now but you said you still love me. Still? Why still? What does that mean I thought to myself. Then, I realised that this wasn't working. You weren't like before. Something's fishy and I had to end it. Not because I wanted to but because I had to. I couldn't be living in lies no more. You were bored with me.

We're just bestfriends now. No more you, no more anniversary. Countdown to new years knowing that you weren't mine no more. I thought it would last, yes I just thought it would last but I knew it wouldn't. So yeah I miss you but we're friends right? So that's great enough.

yours truly,riri

the bright side.

I know that 2011 haven't been such a blast for me and all. It's full of shit to be precise but to be honest, I gotta hand it to ya, 2011 had thought me a lot. Yeah I know there's more to this but this is the starting. I've never felt more devastated in my entire 13-year-old life ever than the devastation that I have felt on this very 2011. Things have change so much in so little time, it's like I can't even cope with myself. People come and go like it's nobody's business. I've cried a lot this year and to be honest, I never thought someone could even cry this much but I've grown, I'm not the sweet lil girl people used to know. Lets look on the bright side now, I'm closer with my siblings, I understand more about life and how I should learn to compromise, I know how to keep myself calm and control myself from getting mad and start to curse so much, I've learn to stop judging people..well I have my limits, I learned to be more grateful with what I have, to appreciate my loved ones, and so much more. The main thing is, 2011 turned out to be the year I learned things the hard way and just like everything else that has to be learned the hard way, it'll always stick to your head.

yours truly,riri

what went wrong?

Everything seem to be falling into place when suddenly an earthquake came and once again,things were falling apart.

And everyday I wonder what went wrong. Did I make the wrong turn? Maybe I should've turn left instead of right, maybe I should've turn around and stay safe. What ever it is, thing's have pass by so quickly. In a blink of an eye, everybody have went their own way, at least that's what I think it is. All I could mange to do now is believe that things happen for a reason. All these things that went wrong will become right one day. Allah makes no mistakes and I have to have some faith. I've screwed up a lot this year and I would say that I regret most of the things I've done but I don't. Beause all the shit-full moments I've been through this year made me stronger and I've learned to be more careful with the things I do. All the wrong doings, I've learned better than to do that again. I'll change and inshaaAllah things will get better.

yours truly,riri

face the facts.

To be honest, I wish you were. I miss you badly and I still do have dreams about you, reasons unknown. I miss everything I once had, I don't know how could I let it slip away so easily. I guess I was holding it too tight.

 The truth is, no one left no one but both of us gave permission for each other to find someone new. No arguments, no dramas, no promises and no happily ever after. I could've let you stay 'cause I know that you would but I got tired of continuing this show we had on. Guess both of us wanted to win. Who was the best actor, who could go on with this lie and you won. I gave up. Not because I wanted to but because I had to. I was happy with you but your feelings for me fade away and the only thing that made you stay was that pity feeling you had for me. The last thing I want is for people to stay not because they want to but because of pity and that was it, I had to let you go. No use in us to be this way. We stop acting, you're happy, I'm happy.. I guess. We love each other that it's sad to be apart but that was the best thing we could do and also the hardest thing that I did. So please, it wasn't your fault and it would never be your fault. This is our fate. I'll get over it soon. Thank you for everything my dear si awesome :)

yours truly,riri

leave it all behind.

For this 2012, I'll leave everything bad from 2011 behind. There's no use in me to take back all the memories of all the shit-full hard times moment with me to 2012. I know if I keep holding on to the past, the only thing I'll get back in repay is heartaches and more heartaches. Things has passed and I have to accept that. I've change, people had left and friends have changed. It's time for me to start a new year. A new life. A new me. A new story, a better one with more amazing memorable chapters of amazing stories in it. I have grown, I have the right to be happy so cheers to the pass for giving me permission to let go of it and thanks to the future for pulling me into it and thank god I'm still breathing for another day to face what ever that will hit me next. I'm ready for this. 2012, give me the best you got. No, I won't forget to bring the good memories with me from 2011 to 2012. These are the things that I'll cherish my whole life. So here goes nothing!

yours truly, riri

it's over, deal with it.

It's been awhile. Enough riri, it's officially over. You're done. He's not coming back for you. I'm okay with that. We could still be bestfriends and I like it that way and I hope for it to be that way. I'm just scared it's just words, empty meaningless words. The last thing I need is for people I love to lie to me. I know, there's nothing more than this, no miracle will happen no more. It just felt so quick. Like it was just yesterday we were together and BOOM! It's already a month since our break up. So I guess I'll say bye to my daydreams of him. I'll save my heart for someone who cares and hopefully, that someone won't leave me.

yours truly,riri


I am Rapunzel but my story is different. I'm stuck in a tower so tall with my long black hair but the thing is, it ain't long enough. People needed to climb stairs to get to me. And trust me, it takes hours to reach me. It's easy to know who loves me and who loves me not. The ones who never complain are always the ones who would do anything to see me. But there were never much, only a few. The amount of people who care could be counted by fingers. I've always waited and wish for a prince to come find me. Save me and love me as we live happily ever after but every prince who came never reach out to me. They always seem to give up before they even get here. Days by days pass, lonely is the only word that could describe how I feel.


A frog came to see me. Can you imagine, a frog would want to see me more badly than a prince? I was touched. That frog made me smile always from then on. It came everyday and it never complained. One day I was so devastated but still, it managed to make me smile. I gave it a kiss and it turned out to be a "HE" not an "IT". He was adorable to begin with. He told me that he was cursed and the only way he could change back to normal was to get a kiss from, not a normal princess, but a princess who believes in miracles, who believes things would get better sooner or later and that princess turned out to be me.

I couldn't believe what I heard but it was bloody true. We were so happy together. No more loneliness felt just nothing but happiness till one day, things seemed to be different. He changed and his feelings for me fades day by day. We were supposed to get married but he walked away before we could even get ready for it. And again, I, the princess was left alone, lonely. Days went by and I heard nothing from him. I was again, stuck in that tower without freedom. Everyday digging my face in my pillow and shouting "What did I do wrong?!".  I'm sorry but this Rapunzel, haven't found her happy ending yet.

yours truly,riri

away from relationships.

And to be honest, I miss being in a relationship but what can I do right? I just suck in this relationship thingy. I hate how I've rejected the nicest guys I know. It's not that I don't accept them because of how they look or anything. No, that's definitely not it. I just can't handle being dump for the same old stupid reason again. Oh no, it's not the guy's fault, it might probably be mine. Every guy I've been with before keeps telling me the same thing and it often ends up the other way around. It's not that I don't believe in love, I just don't believe in guys nowadays. The thing about guys is, they easily get bored and they want to meet you often. The thing about me is, I'm used to long distance relationships but most of the guys I got stuck to doesn't and I can't go out/hang around easily since my parents are very strict. No guy have ever accepted that fact about my life before.

I don't wanna fall for some one so hard again when I know that he'll leave me for the same reason as the others. It's just tiring, you know what I mean? It's hard but I'll try. I know I'm different and yes, I do hate how almost all the guys I've fallen with can't accept me as I am. so I'm done with that. Till my parents would trust me enough to let me hang without "parental guidance", I'll be single. inshaaAllah

yours truly,riri

changed and still changing.


I'll let people who wanna come in with a welcome. Those who left I'll never forget. Those who stay I'll always appreciate. Things will always change and I'll grow up but I won't lose myself again. I am me and this is how I'll be from now on. I'll stick to my guns and stand on my own to feet. No need for you to carry me. I can handle this. I'll put a pause in relationships for now. I'm gonna focus on my dreams and hell yeah no one can stop me. I know I might have some scratches here and there but never will I let anyone break me again like before. I've become stronger. Kick me while I'm down and I'll break your leg. I could stand up for myself now. No, I no longer will give anyone permission to step on my head. Ihis time i'm serious. Yeah I could be nice but mess with me and you'll get it from me. May I be a better person from now on, inshaaAllah

yours truly,riri

2011 people.

As always, I believe that when one leaves, another will come. When a great one goes, a better one will arrive.

This 2011, I've lost most of my closest friends in such a short time but I've also met new people and made new friends. I found people who actually cares about me and hopefully, they won't leave me like the rest. Let's start with people who I got to know on facebook :- Syuhada Zainudin, Ira Rahim, Mohd Hakim, Nasri Nasir. All from Shah Alam except for Ira. She's from Cheras. The ones who has helped me alot in SSP would be Munira Adila, Marsya Syamsul, Lidiya and a few more that names I can't remember. Sorry. One of the best bestfriends of my 2011 would be Afiqah Hana. I met her in twitter. Like oh my geek, she's so effin awesome! Don't forget, this was the year where I got really close to Reynaaaah, Nunue and Yusliana. I don't know what could I do without them. They complete my life and inshaaAllah this friendship will last :)

yours truly,riri

2011 memories.

And to be honest, I can't recall the good times that I've had in 2011. Not because there's too many but because there's not that much. Again I repeat, 2011 has been really hard for me. Almost having a mental breakdown, it's sickening. I guess a few of  the good memories I had were when I got the chance to go to SSP, the first time I met si awesome, the time when I hang at Reynah's house with Demyy, everything that happen at my jamuan hari raya, and my hols with rara at Melaka. Okay that's really not much kan? See how miserable I've been? Okay I was joking. I'm not that miserable, kinda. I just can't remember much awesome things that happened. So I guess that's just it for my good memories.

What? You wanna know the bad ones?

Well first of all, I got bullied at school the first three months and it seems like everybody was trying to pick a fight with me somehow. I now know how such imbeciles haters are and how to not let them ruin my life. My bestfriend and I turned into strangers. My family almost fell apart. Things that happened around me were too hard for me to handle. I lost a lot of my friends. I became nothing more than a troublemaker. I disappointed my parents. People let me go so easily. My parents don't trust me no more. I'll stop here. Guess this is enough

yours truly,riri

new years resolutions.

My new years resolution is just simple. All I want is to be......*drum roll*
 Yes that's all that I want to be and all that I need to be. One thing I'm sure of, 2011 have thought me a lot and I've changed a lot too. Things are different now and my family's condition is not like before. Things seems to be gotten worst and now all I can try to do is to fix myself and try to make things work. InshaaAllah things will get better. I really gotta focus on my studies, Alhamdulillah I still got to stay in the Kelas Rancangan Khas but I know it myself that I won't last there if I don't put an effort to it. Things have gotten a lot more harder for me this year and I hope I could at least try and make it easier for me next year. I know that i'm still young and should be having fun by now but I can't be distracted. I gotta start thinking about the future. Some things ain't coming twice.

Friday, 30 December 2011

friends come, friends go, friends leave me all alone.

I was the new kid in 2009, the cool kid in 2010, the miserable kid in 2011.

2010 was honestly, full of shit but to be honest, it was okay. 2010 ended up to be really great. Yeah sure there’s a few ups and downs here and there, I mean that’s life right? But it wasn’t as bad as 2011. I met and made lots of new friends in 2010. I found myself again. By that I mean my crazy-awesome-self.  Crushes and gossips. Besties, friends and enemies. Teachers and parents. Oh I was just another troublemaker to my parents and I got scolded a lot but it somehow didn’t mattered that much to me because no matter what,my oh-so-amazing-bestfriends were always there for me. I felt like this was my place, I have changed and I like it that way. 2010 was full of memories. It was like I could trust every kid I saw. My friends and besties would never ever change and leave me as soon as they got new friends


2011 came and everything went upside down. Those who I thought would stay, left me. It was like everybody found someone else and automatically I wasn't as important to them like before. Neglected. bestfriends became strangers and most of my friends became enemies somehow. I'm not sure was it my own fault or was it something that usually happens to every thirteen year old since we "grow up" and have these new interests and all. It's like everybody's supposed to change but some didn't. I swear to god, I appreciate those who didn't, those who stay, those who was there for me when I was at my lowest. The rest, the ones who left me and threw me away, no hard feelings, just may Allah bless you. Yes, maybe you guys are better off without me so I'll let it be.

yours truly,riri

i believe, too much at times.

To be honest, I hate how naive I could get. I just believe too much and I'm so gullible. In my mind, it's like everybody's innocent. It's like even though that person's a total jerkass, he/she stills deserves  a second chance to be a better person. I just hate how almost everything I believe in, ends up being just another big fat lie. I can't deny that sometimes I tend to hurt myself by playing alone with all this. Acting as if everything's gonna be fine even though I know it myself, that it won't. I guess at times, I just can't handle the truth so I let myself to live in lies while it lasts. I realised the, all I am is lost.

yours truly,riri

hello school.

My holidays weren't as awesome as I thought it would be and now school is about to start. If only I didn't have to go to no school. If only I could afford to get a teacher to teach me at home- I mean home school. Oh thats just too much, too expensive. I should just be grateful that at least I could afford to buy books and learned in a normal school like everyone else. Unlike some unfortunate people. I hate every single first day of school. Damn I really hate that. Making new friends and wtv shit. Making new friends, is something that I consider as really hard, for someone anti-social like me. Knowing that none of my besties would be in the same class as me, it makes it harder for me to face my first day.

I just hope that everything will turn A-Okay. I mean, cut me some slack will ya? My first day of school in 2011 was pure "magnificent" shit, pathetic I tell ya. Please let things go my way for once. Please.
yours truly, riri

was it just another show?

I guess somethings are better of unsaid, they say ignorance is bliss.

So I got to know a side of him that I never knew even exist, or did I? Maybe I did knew that side of him, I mean I knew what I was getting into long time ago. Guess I just never actually cared  that much about that other side of him, maybe I was just too blind by love that time. I knew it was gonna hit me sooner or later but why am I so surprised when it did? I guess i just got too caught up with my happily-ever-after-daydreams that I lost touch with reality. Maybe he did all this to make me feel better or maybe I changed him into someone better? Who knows.....just maybe.

Somehow I can't stop thinking positively when it comes to him. Deep inside, I believe that he wanted me to know that he could be a good guy, for me. That all guys are not the same. Maybe thats why we last long. Well not that long lah, but long enough. Maybe I was special, maybe the side he showed me was a side that not even his friends know about. Maybe just maybe, I'm different from all the girls he knows, in a good way I mean.

But what if... everything's not as it seems? What if he is just like all those other guys I've been with before? What if all this was just another show, an act, a big lie. So here I am as the main character in a not-so-magical- fairytale where happy endings doesn't exist and where the princess gets dump by the so-called prince every time. I guess it's just another unanswered question. I could ask him but.....naah I'm scared I'll hear what I don't want to. Even worst, if I can't handle the truth and suddenly a mental breakdown occur to me.

Well, things happen for a reason.

yours truly, riri

Thursday, 22 December 2011

time for me to let go.

I put his name as "si awesome". I thought I would just let it be that way but than Rara told me it was better if I changed it to his real name since this name I gave him reminds me of too much memories.

It was hard at first but see up there? I did it. No more si awesome, just hakim. Yeah hakim.

I put him as my fav contact but my friends keep telling me how I should remove it.

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to do it or not.

Still hesitating..

In the end, I remove his number from my favourite.

So here was the hardest part but also the most important one. I had no choice but to delete our old conversations even though I obviously didn't want to.

I mean, we're friends now so I can't keep all those texts. It would be stupid of me to keep it all cause that would somehow make me devastated if I keep on reading it. So sad I gotta delete it.

I had to and I did.

And I waited which seems like almost forever.

And waited. I was like why is this taking so long? then I realised, we had really text each other a lot and I've kept too many messages.

It was about to finish and I had the urge to press cancel but, I couldn't. This was for my own good. So I just had to let it go.

So there you have it. Everything, deleted. No more sweet texts. Just us as friends. Yeah I let go.

yours truly,riri

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

lonely, that's all.

to be honest, sometimes I do get lonely. I hate how I get so sad and lonely at night. It's just that stupid empty feeling keeps rushing into me at times when I really wish that it wouldn't. I guess I just got too caught up with all my imaginations of having a fairytale with that so called "happy ending". I gotta be crazy when I thought that one day maybe he would be the one that I would marry. Hah what a bunch of boloney. I've met a couple of really kind and sweet guys a few months ago but no, I won't be in a relationship with any of them anytime soon. I'm just way too complicated. I can't bear to see the ones who love me get hurt because of my own doings. Anyways, I have had it with being dump with such unreasonable reasons. It makes me feel pathetic. Guys should think a million times before ever asking me to be his girlfriend (if there's any I mean). To be honest, I know and believe that I'm different than any other thirteen-year-old-girl. In a good plus bad way. Confusing yeah I know. I don't wanna be with any guy. One day that guy that I somehow just can't stop myself from falling for, will come and when it happens it'll happen :)

yours truly,riri

vacation come to me.

I really need a vacation. I'm talking about a real one where I don't need to think about school or problems. I wanna sleep late and wake up late. I wanna stay in bed or lay on the beach. I wanna be problem free and forget about the world for awhile. I'm tired of doing chores and thinking too much. My mind is killing me. I, AM, KILLING, ME. I just wanna smile again like before, you know what I mean? I don't wanna get too stress out and end up looking so old than my actual age. I just wanna run free. I just want things to be just like before. I know its too much to ask but that's all I want.

yours truly,riri

Friday, 9 December 2011

i'll save us & what we had.

Sometimes I get tired and so very insecure when people keeps comparing me to you. It's like everybody melts when they see you. You're beautiful and you should know that. I'm the girl that people call names and you're the one who people wants. You know that feeling when people pick someone else over you?

Enough with that, I already ran from the topic. I know I've been a jerk lately, I really am sorry. I don't know what's up with me lately. Maybe I've kept this feeling for way too long. I've been patient and I tried to be more patient but who am I trying to kid? Sooner or later the truth must be told and secrets would be revealed. At times I get jealous and you know me right? I am not the person who gets easily jealous so when I start to get jealous, trust me, you really do mean a lot to me. I know I've been ignoring you and I know it hurts but it hurts me more. I've been caring too much about people's feeling that at times I neglect to take care of my own feelings. It's not your fault. Everything bad that happens to me would probably be my own fault. I might be childish at times but I'm mature enough to take responsibility for my own actions.

I thought I could go on like this but no, nothing is worth doing if it means I'll be losing you. I repeat, NOTHING. I want us to go back to the way we were. I don't mind if you love her more, it's okay because you and I know that no one could ever replace me. I don't wanna leave you alone. Not after all that we've been through. I know how it feels to be all alone and I'm not gonna let you go through all this shit alone. I'm here for you no matter what. I'm scared that if one day she'll end up picking E over you, you'll break into pieces. If that happens, I wanna be there for you. You deserve better. Baby you're like the sister I never had. Through thick or thin, I'll never leave. You got my back and I got yours. In a matter of time when E has no one to go to she'll probably go to F and you know it yourself that F would pick E over you right? But don't rack your brains thinking about it because I'll forever be by your side :) I'll put my jealousy aside, things like this are far more important than taking care of my own feelings. Correction: you are far more important and I'm okay with that.

yours truly,riri

again, things are falling apart.

So I guess your post was about me, obviously.

You wanna know what's so special about si awesome? Well read this again and again till you get tired :- HE WAS THERE FOR ME WHEN YOU GUYS WEREN'T. 

 It breaks me to know that you two think that way about me. I thought out of all the people I know, at least you two would understand. Again, I stand corrected. I wish I could tell you why he seems so special to me but as best friends, you two should've known why already. To be honest I treated you like I always do. You two were the one who treated me differently. When there's three people, there's always one who gets left out and in this situation, I am the one who's left out. At least you two have each other to talk to when you're not please with me but what about me? I have only myself to talk to. Since we're bestfriends, I try my best not to tell anyone about the problems we have 'cause the last thing I need is for people to judge my bestfriends. I don't even talk back or bad about you two on twitter but if this is the case then fine by me. I don't blame any of you if we don't work out as friends. I just hope you won't regret losing me one day if this keeps going on.

I can't believe you believe that this friendship won't last long. I have never thought that way, NEVER. Isn't this devastating? How could bestfriends, not any kind of bestfriends but US, be against each other. Everything seems so janked up lately. If you don't wanna try to understand what i'm going through then fine. I don't need people who doesn't really care to act like they care. I love you two with all my heart, really. If I'm too complicated for you, it's never too late to end this and leave. I've walked alone before. Yes it's scary and like yeah I don't wanna go through it again but I don't mind if things are meant to be this way. Sooner or later things will finally go my way, things will get better. InshaaAllah. 

yours truly,riri

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

friends ignored.

I've been ignoring almost all of my oh-so-awesome-besties lately. I'm not sure why. I guess I'm just tired, I wanna hide from everyone if I can. I ignore my best friends but not all those strangers on facebook. No it's not because I've forgotten about my oh-so-amazing-friends but I just don't want them to worry about me. I don't ignore strangers on facebook because they don't know me that well to know if I'm hurting or so and that's good because to them, I'm just another normal problem-free teenager. I don't want them to know me as much as my amazing best friends do. I'm sorry for ignoring you, best friends. I've been really messed up lately and I know that you guys have your own problems so I don't wanna burden you guys. Yes, I know that bestfriends are supposed to burden each other with each others problem but what I'm going through here is something I gotta let out face to face, not facebook/twitter or etc. Maybe one day, when I meet you guys again, I'll tell you everything. I just can't now. sorry

yours truly,riri

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

promises unbroken.

Happy to know that the promises that I thought we had never made was actually made. Happier to know that we never broke it.

Things I always believe :- "people come and people go", "things happens for a reason", "when a good one leaves, a better one will come", "one day, things will get better" and a few more that I forgot about. hehe. So here's the thing, I thought it would end up like every other sad and pathetic break up story but no, it would never end up that way. Things have gotten better. I got a text from him a few days ago. He said he misses me too. That got me to cloud9 for a minute but of course, I won't take it too seriously. We're just friends after all. Remember how I've said that we never actually made any promises to each other before? We actually, secretly, have. Yeah it's weird but let me explain how.

Like I said a million times, I would always love him and like he always said, he would always be there for me. Somehow even if there's no "I promise" in both of those sentence, it still seems like a promise to me. Even if we're not together anymore, doesn't mean this promise has been broken. You see, he's always gonna be there for me and I believe that. All I need to do is ring him, and he'll help me. I'm sure of that. So yeah I didn't lie about me, always gonna love him because I do love him and always will. Just now, I'll love him as a friend, a bestfriend. Weird but amazing how little things like this could actually be considered as promises. I love us, I seriously do. Only Allah knows how grateful I am to at least still have this friendship between him and me. All I can say is syukur Alhamdulillah :)

yours truly,riri

Monday, 5 December 2011

stop falling.

I can't fall for anyone. No, not anymore, not for now. It's not that I've given up already, it's just..well I have my own reasons. I don't mind getting hurt again and again and again but I prefer not to be in such a pathetic situation. I'm way too complicated, for anyone. At times even I don't understand why I'm so like this. One thing about me is, I fall too fast and when I do, damn I fall so hard it hurts me so badly. I hate how I gotta think so many times before I accept someone. I can't stop myself from falling for someone but hey, I could try and ignore that feeling. Things aren't going my way lately, I haven't got over you-know-who yet but I've accepted the fact that we're just friends. Now and forever- never more never less. I know there's someone better for me out there. Sometimes all the reasons why we shouldn't be together are already written on the wall but maybe I'm just too love drunk to see it. I'm not broken or anything still. I can't deny at times the empty feeling came rushing into me, maybe it's just me. Maybe I just miss the routine we had. Falling for someone, falling in love, taking the risk of getting hurt in the end- this is something I don't wanna go through with now. One thing about people who are single is, they somehow have a crush on almost everybody and I'm one of those people. I'm just afraid I would not just have a crush on someone but I would end up falling in love too. I should really not get too close with any guy, any guy at all.

yours truly,riri