only stranger #2: a million miles.

15/2/18:257am.

Suddenly we're planets away. Days goes by as your existence fade. I can't tell if I have lost touch with reality or that my head is playing tricks on me. But every time I am on the verge to forget, I go back to where I started without everything but figments of you and I am once again where I had hoped for it to stop.

I stood in front of the mirror, this reflection feels like sabotage. I sink into the moment, find every reason to forget; the biggest elephant hidden. Took off my head to bleach it blank. Isn't yours, never mine. Though at night it comes back to mind. I feel you near, your voice whispers. You talk to me, infest my head - no.

Is it madness to believe how you feel me too, knowing I still presume all that I force myself not to without my mind's consent, as if you do but I do not. When I can't help to while you would rather not. However I am not where I was. I am right above. Some nights by the stars, a bit too dim for me to see what it is meant for we.

"You burst the sun out of my life. My dear I have never intended to leave"

Now so cold with ease, my love, I never did.

-riri-

only stranger #1: passing by.

15/02/18:218am.

I wonder where your heart is when it's someone else you see.

I know with anyone at all, my heart still calls for you.
Every smile, accidental touch, hug from the side takes me back to you.
Each time I get to thinking about you, I remind myself how you said not to.

I would call, but do I even know you?

-riri-

peterpan.

I swore I saw him in you,
guess that's why you left too.

-riri-

praying in saying.

Okay, alright, ok, repeating in loop.
Is this indifference or is it hate.

In a few days, weeks, months, this would all be okay.
Every time it's just the same. I know better days awaits.

Ok, alright, okay.

-riri-

4 inch tinted glass.

He asked about his feelings, said nobody knows, doesn't anyone care?
How does he not know, couldn't he tell- how I always did, I always have had.

-rir-

ok, okay.

My heart is on the floor. Block it all out I say.
Things are great. I'm no longer scared. Not at all afraid.

-riri-

"noted".

I still cry when your voice is raised. I bawl my eyes out if not on the insides, each time I fail to get my point across to make you understand and when you talk about me- oh, when you talk about me, my heart breaks if not shatters almost each time. I wonder if you ever flip to the page of your book with all the notes I have written and look back at it. If you have ever really remembered me for who I am or what I ever was. I imagine your face, your reaction, how before you know it you wished you never had or did. Maybe it hurts you a bit too much you would rather not think about it-

I can never say much without giving it all. I still hold on to this where it's safe and sound. I know it's just me now. I really do. Somedays I just wonder how it would be like if you were ever more gentle with me.

-riri-

last case.

At some point it sounded to me as if I was never real. I'm non existent although I figured he must have believed me enough to see. I suppose I was wrong. Isn't this all that I have ever dreamed of, to be proven right over all that I am wrong at? It was like a show, I'm dramatic hoorah! It doesn't sound any different, I got the message the first time. Funny I waited still, just in case.

I was never obliged to fight for anything or anyone whose space was not meant for them as I am not right to them. Each time I just fail to make anyone comprehend. I tell them they don't understand, I know they try- they tell me I never listen. Does anyone ever really listen? Tell me I never did the same. Tell me it was not just as tiring for me to keep it all together when it was just as excruciating as I might not have made it seem.

It burns as it aches, I feel it in my chest, I am speechless over the things I cannot explain and the mind or decision made up so strong and firmly, a tsunami would not be able to change it. Even if a volcano erupted and the fact that I cannot swim doesn't make it any better. I'm only human but playing god is what you see. It's not up to me to change how anybody wishes to perceive me.

I feel an embrace so cold and lonely, it is warm to me. My head is insane, I see colours, smell goodbyes, feel for what has yet to happen when it most probably will though you do not need to believe me. I am the voice you shut out knowing I am not what you have ever dreamed of hearing. I am a siren, a bunch of lies tied together in a bouquet, every dream turned nightmare. It's amazing, too outstanding, I am art, I'm a masterpiece, I am-

a bit out of my mind if you would rather think so. I am every single thing you say about me and believe I am to be. I am just a figment of ones imagination, remember? I am what you make of me. So where I no longer am, I never was. Always where I should be, there when I'm needed; it's time to let it go.

-riri-