look at me now.

Friday, 30 September 2011

rain's back.

I can't even talk about him anymore, I can't even say his name or be friends with him. Life once again is being an ass to me. People are starting to say this and that to me when all I want is for them to shut tf up. Yeah I'm young, yes I'm very naive & maybe this won't last forever but one thing I know is I love him and he loves me.

Why are you so busy thinking about how we would break in the future when we're not even finish with the present? Even if 'us' don't last forever it's okay (I think?). I don't need to worry about that for now we're still together and that's what matter's the most. Forever is a different story, I'm talking about now. So I can't meet him anymore. Great this is starting to be like Romeo and Juliet. Just because you don't like him doesn't mean I should too.

You keep on talking about the bad things about him but have you ever thought for even a second of all the good things he is? You don't know him and you don't know the reason why I love him. I admit that I don't know him that well but I bet he knows me more than you know me since I've told him about a lot of things you don't know or never cared enough to ask about.

I'm tired  of you judging every person I love. You never seem to be satisfied with all of them and you never seemed to try and look past their flaws and see the good in them instead of the bad. To you, all the ones you love are such good people while I'm hanging with satan. I love him that's just it.

yours truly,riri

before it's too late.

I woke up one morning with my heart beating so fast that I kind of scared myself as I wondered why my heart was in such a condition. It turns out that one of my family members died that morning and I didn't even get the chance to meet him this year because I didn't went to Pahang on Eid this year. I just wanna say don't waste your life by worrying about all those haters you got or arguing and fighting with your loved ones. You can't make your life more complicated. You'll never know when it's gonna be the last time you meet them or the last time they'll talk to you before anything unwanted happens.

I know this person who once was so closed with this guy. They had a fight one day and gave each other the 'silent treatment' for quite sometime. Two whole years they didn't talk to each other and one day that friend of mine decided to call him all of a sudden. Guess what? It turns out that he died two months before the phone call and she didn't even know about it. True story.

So before it's too late, you have to fix or do what you've been dying to fix or do. Have a crush on someone? Go tell him/her, don't be afraid of their response. Had a fight with your best friend and is waiting for your friend to apologise first? Stop the ego, just go and apologise already. Had a misunderstanding with your old folks? Go slow talk with them. You've been dying to be friends with this one person? Go ahead start a conversation with them, don't be shy. Want things to be just like before with your buddies? Go go go meet them somewhere, chat with each other & build that bonding you once had again. Tired of haters trash talking you? Go and confront them. Jealous with your bf/gf who looks much happier with someone else than with yourself? Go tell them, don't keep it to yourself.

JUST GO AND DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO AND WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DYING TO DO. You'll never know when you'll be taking your last breath.

yours truly, riri

i lied.


Said I was fine but I lied and it sounds stupid but I actually wanted to tell the truth. It's just I don't know how and where should I begin with. ya Allah, I'm so tired of crying. At times I wish I could go to somewhere new; a place where no one knows me. I wanna be alone but at the same time I want you to be with me right here, right now. I wish for one day without people scolding me, asking me to do this and that, telling me how screwed up I am and how to live my life. I know what I'm doing and even if I don't, it's okay because i'll learn from my mistakes. I wanna run away from everyone at home even just for one day just so I could be with those who were there for me when no one else was. I wanna let go of every burden I got in my head, I wanna be free. Please.

yours truly, riri

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

24 september 2011.

My two most favourite words:-
I woke up a little late neglecting the fact that most of the things for my 'open house' isn't ready yet. We started doing this and that until the catering guys arrived which were so "kerek". Trying to flirt around like pfft. And guess what? one of the catering dude made my mum's friend fall for him which was so effin FUNNY. Demmy, reynah and yus came the earliest. Then came the others. It was cute yet funny how they were busy wearing and fixing their make-ups. Firdzuan came too with his friends & nadia mimie,khalida (my friends from putrajaya) also came. awesome much?

At 2:53 pm I got a message from my mr.amazing saying that he's in front of my house. My heart felt as if it had skip not one but ten beats. I walk out the main gate and I saw two tall guys wearing checkered shirts. I was so awestruck that my feet kinda automatically brought me back into the house and went out again just to make sure what I was seeing was real. IT WAS REAL. Seeing him right in front of me,in my house -BREATHTAKING I tell you. I swear that it still felt like a dream to me. I can't stop pinching my arms.

We all ate and took pictures. Blah blah blah- the usuals. So lazy one lah to type everything. Acap and yai went back home at about 10:30 pm. So late, awesome tak? awesome en? haha. Me and mah girls had a lot of fun, seriously. My brother even entertained some of my friends by being his funny self. I even had some pictures with my mr.amazing as well as rara had some pictures with korie which look so adorable if I may say it myself.

There was this time when this little child of my mum's friend gave me a lollipop and I was like thinking what's it for but I stop racking my brains when hakim said the kid wants me to open it. Okay you know how hard is it for me to open the lollipop wrapper? Thank god, hakim helped me. He looked so adorable when he was doing that. I took his phone (just checking) & I was so flattered to see his wallpaper. I honestly don't know how to open his phone until he showed me how. You know the way he showed me how while saying "haa, macam ni" and something I can't remember- was so effin cute <3 sigh

I'm so effin flattered that hakim would come all the way from shah alam to kajang just so he could meet me. I know how such a burden with the ktm and cabs and whatever not that he had to go through just to reach here, to where I am now. We were shy at first -at always actually. haha. But heyy got a picture with him using my Polaroid. Creds to my brother which is so sporting at that moment. I keep the polaroid picture in my wallet <3where it's safe, sound and remembered.

I just wanna say I had the time of my life and I wanna thank all of those who came.
Dear mohd hakim bin khairul salleh, I love you so much :*
rara, demmyy, reynaah, yus, nunue, saf, nazihah, wan, fird and friends, khalida, nad mimie, korie, yai, acap, zikry adam and much more- thanks for coming. loveya :)

yours truly, riri

Saturday, 17 September 2011

don't even bother.

And I know you've done so much for me. You've always been there for me. However at times, you're also the one who brings my spirit down. I can't be mad at you not even a little because you've done so much for me. At times I wish I could hate you but I can't. Maybe a little but it doesn't last long. It hurts that you're never grateful with the things that I've help you with. You're always telling me how you're doing everything alone but the fact that you neglect to tell is how much I've help too even if it's not that much. I know I've been such a burden as you said it yourself but you were the one who decided to carry me as a burden when you had an option to leave me.

So it was your decision, why bring it up? Is it regret? Why is it the things you say are like an obvious huge sign that has "I regret ever having you here" written boldly on it? I know I'm not the kindest and most caring person on earth but I've help too and it would be nice if you could see that sometimes. The good things I do:- you and everyone else could never see because you keep on focusing on every wrong move I make.

You turn me into this, now you have to face the monster you created. I'm grateful with all that you've done for me but I'm done. I'm tired of being called the reason behind all  the shit that happens in your life. I know you're tired of me too but you still stand by me. I don't get you. Honestly, what are you trying to prove here? How such a good person you are for standing all the shit I've done? Who are you trying to please?

yours truly, riri

hakim everywhere.

so I'm having an openhous this 24sept and you know what would be awesome? If he would be there.

me: syaaaaaa
sya: what?
me: hakim comel
sya: ceeh, yelah.

sya: eh sis, he looks like Qi. aww so cute
me: so adorable haih
sya: just like haki
me: heh hakim's cuter
sya: ceeh

mum: adik, please give me the butter
me: yes mum, I know hakim comel
mum: what was that?
me: oh I said I know that this butter is comel
mum: macam macam lah awak ni

bro: ha adik, how's si awesome?
me: how's si awesome? apa lagi, awesome lah

me: syaaaa!
sya: yes kakak, I know hakim comel okay. i know
me: eheh

my mind is so full of you.
yours truly, riri

Saturday, 10 September 2011

heart stolen.

I came into your life unexpectedly. Started just as a random stranger,then a friend, your bestfriend, and know I'm the girl you're in love with. You tell me about your dreams, your problems and almost everything about you. I felt kinda flattered that you would trust me enough to open up to me even though we've just known each other for just a short while. I know how hard it is for guys to open up to girls, so it kinda felt nice.

I never planned to make you fell for me but you did. And I'm so sorry, but no, I'm not grabbing your hand. I'm letting you fall, deep deep down. Call me a jerk I don't mind. I never thought that me, being nice to you would made you think that we would ever be more than friends. I don't wanna see you cry but I'm making you cry, I don't like to see you hurt but I'm the main reason you hurt and cry to sleep everyday. It's complicated. You can't keep on doing this to me and I can't keep on being too nice to you because I don't want you to put your hopes up too high on me.

I know I might seem so mean. Trying to make you hate me, trying to annoy you. I'm being so straight forward telling you what I can't do for you and that i'll never love you more than you'll ever love me. I avoid texting you, I can't talk to you. I don't wanna make you fall for me, don't you get it? I don't wanna fall for you, you see. Stop trying please, sweet talk me but I'm not like those other girls you meet - I won't go all gaga for those stuff. 

This amazing guy named hakim already stole my heart and I want him too. I don't wanna mess up another relationship. I'm not those kind of girls who would leave someone for someone who's more better looking. You know those girls who leaves her boyfriend just because someone else wants her and tries every guy she could get and go around collecting a jar of hearts? Yeah I'm not that kind of girl. I got deep feelings for hakim and I'm not gonna let you ruin that. Please, understand my situation. You can't say that it's okay if I fall for you. I mean what if you had a girlfriend and she was in this same situation and she decided to pick that other guy instead of you? See, it sucks right so please, find someone that's not me.

yours truly,riri

we're okay, we're alright.

Still standing strong.
No, I won't listen to the world; they say we're never gonna make it. Yes I'm young and in love. I can't say crap like I'll love him forever and so on but I know one thing:- I'm going to always love him. Even if one day we break up, I'll still love him - as a friend maybe. This might sound cliche but honestly, I've never met a guy like him. He's different. Yes I know how cliche this sounds but you don't know me and the crappy guys I've been with before. The way he treats me, the way I treat him. We have our ups and downs but hey as I said- as long as we still love and trust each other we'll be just fine. To make things better this 22 would be our fifth month together. Miles apart seems so hard don't you think? Thats okay,we'll meet again soon. Maybe? InshaaAllah. I'll find a way, I'll try my best just I want you to keep holding on, for us.

yours truly,riri.

Monday, 5 September 2011

blinding love.

At times it's good to take people as they are- for their perfections and imperfections. However there's always a limit, a line, the  last straw. At times love makes everything feels better but as you all know, love is dangerous. You have to be ready to take the risk, the risk of getting badly hurt. When you're in love everything that other person does seems so right yet so wrong.

And I realised maybe I'm just being too naive. Who am I? I'm nothing more than a girl who tries so hard to make herself feel worth it. No I won't cry, I'm ready for whatever shit that is gonna be thrown to me next. I'm strong enough to cry but still manage to laugh while I do that. Guys will come and go. Life's gonna keep going on and on. I'm not gonna remind myself about all the "first" but I'm not gonna try to forget it either.

What's gonna happen, will happen. I'm not gonna leave you H, I don't know about you tho. I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm not gonna be devastated if you did but I'm not gonna lie and say that it would be so hard to get over you too. I'm used with people leaving me or me leaving them. Love has turned me blind- everything seems perfect but my friends think otherwise. They know better- because they're not love drunk.

I'm gonna be fine. There's already signs in this relationship that it isn't going to last long as aizad said but I'm biting my lips, closing one eye, covering my ears and acting like everything is A -OK . As long as we're together, I'll take you as you are. Waiting for you to hurt me and proving that aizad is right but the truth is, I have that slightest feeling that you would prove him wrong. 

If you still want me by your side, please act like you really want me too. 

yours truly, riri

Sunday, 4 September 2011

a decision must be made.

him: So have you made up your mind yet?
me: About what?
him: Leaving him of course.
me: Naah, I won't. I can't. I don't want to
him: Come on dude, he's not worth it lah. He's gonna cheat on you. Trust me, I know.
me: *remain silent*
him: Anyways,it's not like you guys always meet. You know it yourself. And you're thirteen - I bet your mum won't let you hang out at all.
me: Yeah you're right about that
him: Kan? So you shouldn't stay with him. He could get himself a girlfriend that he could always meet
me: Haih
him: Babe I'm trying to help you here. I don't wanna see you get hurt.
me: I know but..
him: Come on, there's alot of other much better guys. Your mum doesn't like him that much too you know?
safuan: Bro, what's up?
him: Dude, kau tengok sabrina ni, aku try nasihat tinggalkan mamat tu dia tak nak.
safuan: It's up to you lah. we're just trying to help but when he hurts you, I'm gonna smash his face
me: *remains silent and static*

I know that you guys care about me- A LOT.
Just, it isn't about you guys. It's about me.

yours truly,riri

Saturday, 3 September 2011

first day of raya.


Well first the day of raya was great- I mean greater than last year. Laughed a lot, joked around and making a fool out of ourselves as well but didn't get much chaching chaching. Haha. Yeah I know, I suck. Raya is not about the money. It's about leaving all the bad things of the past, forgiving and forget. You know me and rara was busy taking pictures of ourselves, when we didn't realize that there was this cute guy standing right in front of us just watching our every move. When we did realize it, we started laughing our ass off. Damn that was embarrassing. I went to sis ira's house at night, she had invited us over with a few other friends. I heard her sing Menghitung Hari- Kris Dayanti while playing the piano and it was beyond awesome. I envy her so much. Her voice was omg like an angel! She touched my heart and rara's too which well was quite shocking. Honestly, I don't remember much about the first day of raya. I just hope my teacher won't ask me to do an essay of this.

yours truly, riri