so close but so far away.

I suddenly realized that I no longer know who they are..

The people who I used to consider as my best friends.

I just don’t know them anymore, and that, is a sad statement.

When you’ve been best friends for quite some time.
Then some stranger suddenly budge in and,
nothing’s ever the same again.

This time it's like you're the newbie, the stranger.
You're the third wheel, the one who’s ruining everything.
Like you're the one who’s bugging this friendship.
As if you're the one who shouldn’t be around them.


Same school, same age, same canteen yet,
it feels like we’re so close but so far away at the same time.
We seldom talk to each other nowadays even when we always have had the chance.
Words never seem to go out right, it feels like there’s a big lump in our throats.
 We walk together, or do we?
Even when we do, it seems like you’re always rushing; in a hurry to get away from me?

We used to talk about everything with each other.

Now you’re not telling me anything, you tell them instead. We would always laugh our ass off together.
Though it’s been awhile since I heard you laugh.
Our smile to each other used to be so sincere,
not anymore but forced ones now.

I used to always go to your house and you used to go to mine,
now? We got different paths to walk on.

I wish I knew you like I did before. It’s not easy, is it? Fighting for something you could have had and wondering if maybe it’s already too late. Now I’m all that is left with me are the photographs of us in my room, you and me- what used to be.

yours truly,riri

let me be happy.

I collect words you say to me and wear them on a string around my neck,close to the pulse in my throat, the thump of my heart. I love the fact that every night before I go to sleep and every morning I wake up, I'm smiling and the reason behind it is you.

I got this feeling that maybe this will last.
At least longer than any relationships I had before.
Even if it’s not for forever, at least for a long time.

When I’m with you, I’m different.
I burden you with my problems, I tell you silly unimportant stories.
I make a fool out of myself with all my worries. I tell you that I love you so many times.
I have the urge to call you; that's just weird because I never had the urge to call any guy before
because I’m just that shy but with you, it feels as if I’ll regret it for my whole life if I don’t talk to you.

We might not make promises like this is gonna last forever.
That we will love each other forever.
That no one else is gonna come between us.
That nothing can separate us,

BUT

that’s okay.
Because we shouldn’t worry, as long as we both trust each other.
And for now, let’s just be happy.
For once in my life, I think less of all the bad things that could happen to both of us, when I’m with you.  I got this feeling that you won’t hurt me, so here I am seeing how far it’s true.

Some say we wouldn’t last , but how could I ever give a damn?
All I want is to be happy, nobody is allowed to make that hard for me

yours truly,riri

when everybody loves but nobody trusts.

Funny how we can feel so much but cannot say a word.

We are screaming inside but can’t be heard.

I talk and you would listen, always.
I want to hear your story but you would keep quiet, always.
I see you smiling but you can’t lie to me,
I’ve been hanging fake smiles on my face way too many times,
I know that smile you put on is full of pain.

Tell me what’s going on?
Don’t tell me you’re fine when it’s so obvious that you’re not.
I’ve told you everything, Why not do the same?
Don’t for a second think that your problem might be a burden to me,
I know it won’t ever be. I’m here for you, this is what best friends are for.

I don’t want you to keep anything from me, please.
I’ve been there before, I know how it feels.
It hurts, it’ll eat you inside.

You’ve been so strong for so long.
Tell me you never cried to sleep before?
You can’t, can’t you?
You’ve taken everybody else’s burden, it’s time to let go of yours.

You listen to your their problems,
You’ve always been there for them.
Don’t you know that they want to do the same?
You’re not alone. I’m here, always.

I can’t bear to see you put on that fake smile again,
I want to see it come naturally- just like before.
I don’t want you to be hurt anymore.
I don’t want to see you be bullied.
 I don’t want  to see you let people step on your head no more.

It’s time for you to stand up and face the crowd

yours truly,
riri

when good isn't good enough.

When a girl changes everything just so she could impress a guy,

when a girl starts being fake just so that particular guy will look at her this time,
when a girl tries so very hard to get this guy even though she knows that she's not his type, when everything she does ends up with nothing,

How crush and devastating would that be right?

But seriously, why should we do that?
I know you could do some awfully ridiculous stuff just for a guy but at some point, you'll realize it's just not worth it. It's okay if your changes are in a good way but if it isn't and maybe if it's making you lose your friends, isn't that just silly?

I mean friends have been there like for almost forever,
they take you as you are. I mean at least some of them.
So why should you waste your time with some guy who can't do the same?
Why should you pretend to be someone else?
If that guy's worth it and loves you, he should love you for what he wants you to be.

When a guy can't see how hard you try just to be perfect for him,let him go.
He's not the one for you babe. There's a guy out there somewhere - maybe even in front of your eyes all this time, who loves you for every perfection and imperfection you have.

But if you sacrifice your friendship and realize in the end that the guy you once loved had never loved you as much as you loved him, what would you be left with?
No boyfriend, no friends, no best friends.
Wouldn't that, just be the most depressing thing ever?

So love someone who loves you for you,
because sooner or later you'll be tired of pretending.
I mean how long can you take it?

yours truly,
riri

boy, you got me stunned.

Don't you know, my heart is pumping, oh it's putting up a fight. And I got this feeling that everything's alright. Don't you see, I'm not the only one for you but you're the only one for me.
It's been quite hard for me to contact you but remember not even for a minute of my life I forget about you. You're here in my mind and my heart, I can't erase that no matter how much I try. You're voice telling how much you love me keeps on playing in my head. I just miss you so much.

They say I'm so cliche but you're the only reason to it.
I don't care about people's opinion of how we're unfit for each other or how weird it is for us to be together. I don't take note about anything bad they might say about us being with each other. I trust you. Tell me you do too?

You have to understand and remember how so in love I am with you.
I won't leave, I seriously won't. There's not a single legitimate reason for me to do that.
I'm totally head over heels for you. I love you.

Don't have doubts, please don't.
You don't know how much I love you, how often I talk about you. I'm obviously driving my friends and cousin insane with stories about you.

I'm not those kind of girls that likes guys because of their looks.
I love the way you button up your shirt, sampai atas kan? haha.
I think that's adorable.
Mohd Hakim Khairul Salleh, I love you <3

yours truly,
riri

if you could see yourself the way i see you.

I'm falling hard for you, thank god you grab my hand. And that's why I smile, it's been awhile since every day and everything felt this right.
I've got too many questions in "if i could see myself the way you see me" and before you would ever answer them maybe someday somehow at any time, I'd love to answer first.

TO BE HONEST,
I don't love you less and less everyday and I don't love you like I did yesterday because I love you more every single day. I do miss you badly even if it had just been a day since we last text each other. I miss your voice and I love your laughter. I constantly think to myself whether you had been missing me too.

I think about you all the time. Day dream about you? I even get dreams about you. Sometimes I could get a little jealous,only because I'm afraid of losing you.
You leaving me one day:- is a scary thought but i'm afraid that you would. Me ever leaving you? It never crossed my mind.

I would be devastated if you did leave me and I'd probably tell you how much I love you at that point. I talk to my friends about you always, they're annoyed to death by stories of you.
I don't get butterflies,it's more to eagles eating the insides of my stomach.
And I've been skipping too many heartbeats whenever you tell me you love me that I'm amazed by how I'm still able to breathe and live normally.

I've always been afraid of you leaving me.
And truth be told, you're more awesome and sweeter than my previous boyfriend.
Than any of them to be exact.

Honey, you're by far the sweetest boyfriend I've ever had <3 and I love you.

yours truly, riri

if i could see myself the way you see me.

Anyone can easily walk away from somebody else. Nobody is forced to stay,we all have choices. The real test is if someone would rather stay with you even though walking away could be so much easier.

Sometimes I wonder do you still love me like you did yesterday?
Or if you love me more than yesterday, today?
That maybe you love me less and less as day by day passes by?
Do you just love me or love me as much?

Sometimes I wonder do you miss me like I miss you?
Do you miss me badly even if it had just been a day since we last text each other?
Do you miss my voice? Do you even miss me?
Do you ever wonder if I miss you too?

Sometimes I wonder do you think about me as much as I think about you?
Do you day dream about me sometimes?
Do you have that even slightest feeling of jealousy in you when you see me happily talking to other guys?
Have you ever felt like I would leave you one day?
Or do you feel like you're the one who would leave me?
If I leave you, would you try to stop me and tell me how much you love me?
Do you ever talk to your friends about me?
Are you even scared that I might leave you?

Was your ex-girlfriend better than me? Was she sweeter than me?
Does your adrenaline pumps & your heart starts to skip a beat when I call or say I love you?
Do you get butterflies in your tummy? Tell me boy, can you answer these annoying questions of mine ?

yours one and only, riri

here we go again.

And maybe one day you would reach back into your file, pull out that old memory, and think of us and smile.

Here we go again, with all the same questions, the same drama.
Whether we're still friends or if this is the end.
Why is it nothing we do is working?
Were still friends, yeah we might change but sometimes we need changes in life.

I'm sorry I haven't call or text you, I was banned from using the internet and my phone.
I really wanted to meet you on the holidays but I got bigger problems that I can't tell you about anymore for some reasons I cannot mention. I'm sorry, I really am but you have to understand.

I beg of you, please don't say that this friendship is going nowhere because the more you say that it's like the more it's gonna become reality. I know you have new bestfriends and I know she does too but please remember that you two are always on the top of my best friends list. Anyway, I don't have that much best friends either.

So please don't leave me, don't tell me it's over.
Don't prove me wrong,of how you're no other than those other so called "friends" of mine who left me without even trying to save the friendship we had.
You're my world, how can I imagine life without you two?

You've changed, she's changed, i've changed, we've all change and I hate the fact that we all are like strangers to each other now. Please give us one more chance, on the next holiday if we can meet, then we'll meet okay? I'll try my best and do anything just so we could meet this time.

yours truly,
riri