look at me now.

Saturday, 31 March 2012

distant memory.

I saw this picture of us, I can't help my smile from turning into a frown.

What we used to have, our smiles, that happiness that makes our face glow. That family bonding we had, wishing that it would still be what we have. We used to be so full of life. Everyday used to be a miracle but now, what are we? Who are we to each other? Maybe we've forgotten ourselves and all those promises we made. Even worst, maybe we've forgotten each other and how much we used to mean to one another. It seems like we're trying to reach out for something that has already been long gone already. The hugs I no longer get, the times we no longer spent, the tears and the stories we no longer share, I want all this back. I miss us so badly, I miss everything we used to be. I miss our retarded-like laugh. I miss our stupid conversations. I just, miss us. "Us", always crosses my mind. Frankly speaking, everyday. I know I might not show it, but really, I feel so.

yours truly, riri.

Sunday, 25 March 2012

just a little bit too afraid.

How can I fall in love when I'm afraid?

It's fun you know, seing people having fun and being happy and all with their boyfriend/girlfriend. There's pros and cons still, but being single doesn't make any differences. Relationships could turn out really amazing but it never does when I'm in it. Maybe it's just me. I get paranoid you know. I get a little bit too afraid of commitment, relationships, and well guys, I guess. Who would've thought right? I just somehow know how it's gonna end. I'm different, yes, exactly! But most guys don't get that, they don't get me.

It's my fault, most of the time. I don't really know how to express my feelings. I keep ending up saying the wrong things. I find it hard to open up to people, I'm afraid I'll regret it one day. I would love to do so, really, how great would that be right? Just, like I said, I'm afraid. I remember someone told me that I have to start trusting people again, open up and love again but he doesn't understand. It's easier said than done. Maybe I'm just too picky, oh I don't know. I don't easily let my heart fall so hard for a guy. Not anymore I won't.

yours truly, riri.

please, don't judge.

We now say things without thinking of how it might affect the people whom we say it to. It's just really that easy to hurt someone.

Sorry to say but to be honest people nowadays are sadly, so narrow-minded. We judge someone by what they do or say but never bother to ask the reason why they did or said it in the first place. We assume things as if we know the real deal. For example the way we react when we see prostitutes; the look we give, the things we accused them. It's funny when it's not you, fun when you're not the one hurting. We might just know their name, what they do for a living but we don't know their story or what shit they've gone through or why the do what they do. We call them names, a disgrace to the country, to their family and themselves but that's just what we do. We condemn.

Instead of trying to help,we're actually making things worst. We should give them advises, support them and believe in them and maybe this could open their hearts to change from bad to good. They're just lost, crying for the help they think they might never get. Some things just can't be put into words. Sometimes they know what they want or what kind of help they need just they don't know how to say/confess it to people. Sometimes they're just scared if things doesn't end up the way they think it would and once again it's back to square one. It's you against the cruel things and cruel people of the world, don't forget the emotional breakdowns at night, the tears, the regrets, can you possibly handle it?

See we don't know what we don't know. Everybody judge but then again, you should just keep it to yourself. No need to spread rumours or tell other people of other people's flaws/wrongdoings.

yours truly, riri.

the thought of believing you're useless is unacceptable.

Have you ever felt like you're not good enough, to anyone, anyone at all?

Sometimes, okay so most of the time to be precise, I feel useless. To my friends, family, my siblings, even to myself at times. The girl who has a million dreams, who talks about how one day it'll come true, she'll make it come true, but that's' just it. She talks the talk but can she walk it? And here I am the person who gives pep talks and advises to others but never to herself. I've been quite useless. I've done exactly nothing productive. I realise that I'm never there for the ones who need me nowadays. I'm somehow, for some reason too tired to care about anything or anyone, not even myself. Everyday I do the same thing over and over again. Wasting my life on doing non-productive things and regretting it after but still does it the next day & the chain goes on and on.

Things are so predictable nowadays. It never used to be like this, I never used to be this way. I need to wake up and give a hard slap on my face. Life's too short and too beautiful for me to waste it on the most idiotic worthless things I do. Who knows maybe I'd sleep tonight and never wake up & to know that all my life all I did was complain when I actually could have make things a little better at least, is just devastating. I should go out, do something useful or different each day. I should try to be a better me each day not this.

yours truly, riri.

be strong because you can.

the question is, am I really that bad?

You know that feeling you get when you're telling the freaking truth but gets accused of lying? People, most of them I mean, they only believe in those whom they wanna believe in. Funny how one lie, just one, could change the way everybody looks at you. You do a million good things and nobody gives a damn but do one, just one mistake and you're screwed. As if you've committed a murder or something. You against the world, even more sad, against the ones you love. Not even your parents trust you.

At this point,who could you possibly trust? Of course, no one other than yourself. Stand up on your own two bare feet and stick to your guns. Face the crowd. Have your head held up high. They call you nothing but trouble. The natural disaster. That tornado that ruins everything for everyone else. No one wants you but that doesn't mean you can't make them want you.

All you have to do is believe in yourself. You can be good just like everybody else. Better, even.

yours truly, riri.

friends with an "END".

Woke up thinking "we weren't meant to be after all".

People, they believe too much. You just met someone who thinks alike/has a lot in common with you and in a blink of an eye he/she's already your bestfriend. The question is, how sincere is that friendship or is it just one of those friendship that ends before it even begins? 'Best friends forever', 'buddies 4lyf3', in the end it's the same thing over and over again. The same story. One day we know them like they're the back of our hands, the next day it's like we're two strangers or he/she's from earth while you're from mars. That's all that we end up to be.

It's either they leave you or you leave them. The things is,you can't get all mad and start pointing fingers and stuff like that. It happens. You just feel the pain, it's temporary. Eventually you'll get used to it. It's just one of those things you'll learn to get over with and move on. You'll meet new people. People, they come and go no matter how you don't want them to. It's kind of like how the universe works.

We just have to believe in one thing tho, things happen for a reason. Every time someone leaves, a better one will come. Allah has better plans for us if ours doesn't work. Friendship could come to an END, it's called friENDs, see?

yours truly, riri.

remember who you are, where you stand.

People are weak, they easily forget themselves.

iIt's stupid how people treat a person based on how high their stats is. People are all different we know but we should be aware of one thing, we're all human, we all makes mistakes. We have our ups and downs, the hard and easy times. I hate how people see the kids from the lower class as less intelligent and sees them as hopeless teenagers that might never succeed in life or someone is less fortunate than you and you treat them like shit as if you have the right to do so just because you have enough money to buy the whole world or how some people looks at these less fortunate people as if they're a disgrace of the society or when a boss treat their workers as if they're his/her slaves just because they pay for their salary. 

You see before you rise, you'll learn to fall and get back up again as you do. You'll never always be on top and in order to get there in the first place you'll have to start from the bottom. You see, you were once at the bottom too so when you're finally on the highest level you can get to, don't you dare look down on those below you. Don't forget yourself or who you were/are. You used to be just like them, remember. Don't ever treat people the way you don't wanna be treated.

yours truly, riri.

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

happy endings.

Happy endings does exist. One day, at least.

You know how in every movie there will always be a happy ending? These movies are what makes us put our expectations on life up so high. In the end, we are left hurting and sitting on the couch watching tv and blaming the movies on tv for turning us this way. Well, if there is no happy endings than it is not the end yet. Everybody deserves a happy ending and that is what everybody will get. We're still young and naive. There's going to be more obstacles in life that we're going to have to face in the future. There is no stop in life you see, unless you're dead of course.We can't blame things for not ending up to be the way we want it to.

Just believe everything happens for a reason. Everything you do and everything that happens to you whether good or bad has a reason for it and it's for your own good. God (Allah) have everything planned for us and I believe that all the hard times we go through is to make us stronger. Sometimes in real love stories, happy endings don't exist but there is in life. We have our family, if not our friends. One day things will get better even when we know it won't we should believe that it will.

yours truly, riri.

Thursday, 15 March 2012

the reason i left: guilt.

The first time was because I wanted to, second time I just had to.

Sometimes, people leave you for a reason. A reason you can't explain or can't understand. Sometimes they want to, sometimes they have to. Sometimes they'll tell you why and sometimes they just can't. I know your life is all messed up and I wish I was the one who's always going be there for you but I can't manage to do so. I am ashamed to go to you and say hi like nothing has happened when I know that deep inside I've hurt you and abandon you. I left when you needed me the most and after all that you've said to me, I can't, I just can't go to you and act like nothing happened. I don't have the guts to. I wish you knew. did you really think I would ignore you for the fun of it? No, I would never. It's like, you're better off when I'm not around. I know it's the best thing to do but me keeping on hurting you won't help too.

yours truly, riri.