remember when?

Although I don't remember much of things,
I would always remember this.

I look back for fun, I look back for stories, I look back for entertainment. I just look back yknow? It's the only thing left I could do to feel. I go back to it sometimes, just to live back the life I've lost, to remind myself of who I am so maybe, just maybe, I wish so much that I could turn back into that person I once was.

I remember a time where I actually started to like going to school, just to meet my friends. They weren't just any kind of friends, they made me feel contented. I have never felt how it was really like to be able to be myself and feel happy about it before they came into my life. It showed me how beautiful friendship can be, and now, I see it in a cliche kind of flashback where our hair's flowing in the air as we laugh and hit each other and the tears streaming down our cheeks talking about our problems. Whenever we have something in my mind, we would just blurt it out. No secrets, nothing. But it all went down the drain.

I remember when, the one person I could say whom was the epitome of my happiness walked in, and how it all faded into thin air. I remember the late night calls, I remember the cute things that were said. I remember people being there for me. I remember how friendly I was and how talkative I could be. How life meant a whole lot more and how I lived it. I remember going on outings and the family bonding we had all together. I remember going on trips and having fun and messing around with each other. I remember who was there when I had no one else. I remember the deeper conversations and how it all meant to me. I remember how it was like to feel contented and loved and actually believed all of it would last; that it was all true. I believed, I had hope. I remember the things we did that got me in so much trouble but I couldn't care less because it was all worth it. They were worth it. They were my life, my everything. I remember how we talked about guys and how we had sleepovers. I remember cheer comp when I first met froggy. I remember when I would go to him or them for anything no matter how silly the matter was.

The nights I couldn't sleep with someone to talk to. The skype calls we had until my parents woke up. The random plans of going out. The stupid jokes and the stupid things we do. The promises. The hugs and the separation. The joy in our faces, the eyes that once shine full of life. The, everything.

I didn't mention who, but it all got my head full of faces and memories of all the people and things I no longer have. And I go back to looking at myself, empty.

-riri-