the ones no longer there.

I keep telling myself don't look back but then I do and it hurts to know that the ones I've lost we're the only ones who seemed to sincerely want to be there with and also for,me.

 Those were the days, I would say. The days where nothing were to be so flustered about. Yes we worried about the future, the present, all that was happening then and for all to come, but not the way we do now. Those days, we had each other. We were together, a bond never to be broken, a family. However, tragedies happen in a wonderful place. So it did to us. They would check on me, always. I would talk to them sometimes, more than I do now, which I barely ever do. I let it slipped away, in a snap. My thoughts, my family, my sadness, my mess, took it all away and now I can't have it back. I don't think I even want to but the feeling, the insecurities I didn't have, the faith I had, I miss.

They are now long gone and I am still here, further. They could still be talking to each other but not me because I am here, alone. They could be making new friends but still meeting each other but not me because I am here, isolated. Sometimes you look back from when you were younger, with all the friends you had and the laughter you let out, you get this feeling where you miss it so much it hurts physically and you want to go back to that time but you know life doesn't work that way. That even if it does, you don't really want it to. You were a kid then, mentality much different from yours now, going back means getting stuck there, in a loop where everyone else grows up and meet new people and move on; everyone but you.

So it hit me, it's okay.

It might not be my time for happiness now.

I had my chance, I cherish the moment and now it's gone.

Maybe one day, one day it will come again.

-riri-