teachers & emotions in april.

Trouble was it's initial title. Another piece of paper I found lying around between pages of one of my exercise books. It was written back in April.

My apologies to the teachers.

It's reaching April and the only time I've hand in my homework was once or maybe twice on the first week of school. That's how it is for almost every subject. I've gotten worse I would say. I wasn't planning on letting sadness overpower me. Far from that, really. However, I did mention wanting to just get this year over with and by the looks of how I'm living it, it's over alright. At least almost.

I'm working to score this, I would make myself believe, but ends sleeping for hours. It's unhealthy, for me and everyone around. My teachers, they're great and I don't have anything against them just, I don't know. I can't tell them what's wrong, I don't trust adults and it sucks even more how whether I like it or not, they're the only ones who might be able to help. Besides, school isn't home and vice versa. It's unprofessional to be giving excuses on not doing your work but what's worst would be telling the real reason why. I don't wanna drag anyone into this although in the end my parents would be. But all this touchy-feeling thing I don't do.

I hate feeling exposed; naked, fragile, vulnerable. I hate having to cry and shit. It's annoying. I was taught growing up, keeping what I heard or went through, where I heard it and where it happened. Living life revolving around lies and secrets, lies pile up over more lies; you just forget how it's like to be truthful. I'm honest, just not when it comes to me on my feelings.

You know how it's like to want to save something and wondering if maybe it's too late? That's exactly it. I'm not giving up on myself yet and my intentions were never to piss my teachers off, never. I might not be able to please them but I'm trying.

-riri-