behind the scenes.

The less attention, the better. Sometimes, most of the time, I’d rather not be noticed then to let any attention draw to me, or maybe that’s what I make myself believe.

When it comes to family; at home or family event, I like to be left alone. When I was younger, I needed that attention; you know people talking to you or other kids actually letting you play with them instead of ignoring you and you spend your days sitting alone watching tv or helping your aunties’ do chores but that was back then. As I grow up I realised all this while I was holding on to hope that would never become reality. I also learn that as you grow older, you actually are expected to act the way everyone wants you to. People start to tell you how to live your life. That was the point where I’d rather not have anyone knowing what I do or ask about me.

It’s sad how the good things I do, things I need support in, no one really cares about though. I guess maybe it’s just people give attention I don’t need and ignore me at times I need them the most. Or maybe they’re only there when they have nothing else to do or only when people start pointing fingers and accusing me of such and such.

When it comes to friends; I guess I think it isn’t important for them to give me any. It’s not that I don’t want any, god I would feel like a ghost trying to communicate with people who can’t hear nor can they see me; tormenting. It’s just I never really am sure if it’s a good idea talking about my life, feelings or what has been happening at home because well, I wouldn’t want them to feel bad for not knowing what to do about it or being unable to help. It’s either that or I’m just selfish.

When it comes to school; I would love to be as invisible as I can to everyone. Honestly, I actually am a bit. People don’t really care if I’m there or isn’t. I don’t blame them though, I’m not really the easiest friendliest person to be with either. It’s a little flustering but I wouldn’t want people nosing around my business anyway. Been there done that.

But then again, maybe I’m just fed up with people bothering me when I just wanna do what I love and taking away my space or privacy, maybe even secretly judge me so I would rather be mysterious OR maybe I’m just afraid of getting let down again.

yours truly, riri.