Noticed how I crossed
all of the above? Just shows how this would have been what I would say, a
couple of years ago but not today. Here’s how I picture it today and maybe,
hopefully not, for years to come:-
I can’t believe my
birthday is just around the corner. Amazing how time flies but I guess that’s
what you always feel when you fill your life with nothing or maybe you just
don’t take time to stop and let the happiness, precious moments sink in. Guess
what? You can’t when they aren’t any. I would say I’m excited for my birthday
as most people are because even when their family don’t bother to celebrate it,
they have their friends with them. Even better when they’re allowed to go out
with their friends.
Not saying my family
don’t bother to celebrate it, we’ll have dinner somewhere yknow? And everyone is
happy –on the outside. I’d like to have a party like how I used to but because
of personal reasons I find it better for me to not do any. My birthday party
days are over. It’s not the same anymore. No, it’s not that it’s because I’m
all grown up and gotten more “sophisticated”. I don’t think that way. Just
things now never seem sincere and I’d rather not have anything at all than to
have people giving what they THINK they want to give but secretly find it a
burden or maybe use it some other day as a point to show how much they “love”
me and would “sacrifice anything” for me.
I don’t want to grow
up, trust me, I don’t but looking back at how my life is now, I’m not even
allowed to act like a kid and get bitch about when I - don’t - even - know - how - starts
to act as if I’m “too grown up”, which in my case is also somehow a serious offence to, well yknow. And having to go to college/university and working
after just shows how I wouldn’t have much time for myself or to rest so my
school days are the only time I could have sleep for 8 hours (or more) although I obviously, like other teenagers, takes advantage of the fact. I guess the
good side about still schooling is because you keep track on what’s happening beause it’s usually the same thing all over again.
You can’t be young
forever so I’ll look on the bright side of growing up like how I’d experienced
more with life, feelings and hopefully think more maturely than I am now.
So as I was saying
(realise I got a little bit out of topic), I don’t get excited over birthdays
anymore and to be honest, if it wasn’t for one of my friends, the thought of my
birthday getting so close didn’t even ring a bell to me.
Yours truly, riri
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