where'd you go?

Walking in pitch black of the night, lost till I saw a streak of light not far from where I was standing bewilderingly walking to the path it made as it lead me to this girl slightly younger than me by one or maybe two years. She was all alone but there was something about her that was so familiar. She was beaming at me as she said “I’ve been waiting for you”

Don’t tell me you don’t remember me?
How could I ever forget?

So how’s life?
Why ask what you already know?

What has changed?
Everything.

Why didn’t you look back?
It hurt too much.

Never forget what you left behind.
I couldn’t even if I tried.

I’ve always been here, I never left.
Well I never saw you.

You never search for me.

I wanted to but I could never bear the pain. I remember each of every one of the people who once meant so much to me, I just avoid remembering who and how I was back then. I left behind a lot of things, broke tons of promises. Life got to me, growing up influenced me.

Why do you do that?
Do what?

Why do you act like a bitch. As if you don’t give a shit. Why do you let things slip away so easily and act like it never really meant a thing? You care too much about people neglecting your needs. You get mad for no reason when you know exactly what the reason is but you never dare to say. You stop speaking up for your rights. You leave without even looking back. You delete every precious memory, you try forgetting, you’re not even trying to be happy. Why do you lock yourself in this dark side of your mind living life like you’re dead? Since when did you stop taking risk, since when were hopes and dreams all bullshit you never really cared about to you? Now being happy is a burden. Making people smile is hard work. Friendship are meant to end. have you forgotten all that you once believed in?

Because being nice doesn’t cut it. What’s the use of being nice when you’re gonna be accused of doing everything bad you never did by your own family. So I chose the play the part and satisfy them. Because if it really meant a lot as if it was meant to be, it wouldn’t have slip away. Because in the life and world I live in, they don’t respond to “bullshit”, silence is all they expect to hear. There is no use in protesting if you know it yourself you are never gonna win. Because looking back reminds me of why I don’t wanna move forward and it keeps me behind. I’d forget than hurt. I’d restart than lag even when deep inside I don’t and would never want to because it’s easier that way. Because happiness doesn’t go well with me, it throws me away to the hell of disappointment so I choose to let it be so I never keep my hopes up. Because hopes and dreams would never be achieved when the ones you wish to support you find it preposterous and a waste of time in ever way possible. Why make them smile when all they do is hurt you? Friendship, true friendship is reaching extinction. Nothing could ever last when it’s stuck with me anyway. I forgot how to be a friend. I never forgot all that I once believed in, I just stop believing it.

You’re not this girl.
I am now. I’m sorry.
Are you planning on coming back?
One day. Maybe.

Yours truly, riri.