or maybe NOT.
I have separated myself from so many things and people. I've been trying to search for myself again. I'm looking back, making sure I leave nothing behind. Still contemplating on what and who I want to bring a long on this trip of mine. What's worth looking forward to and what's better thrown away.
Who am I to who you are today? To most I am nothing. To some I'm a ghastly memory. To so little I mean everything. I am not important in the life of most that I meet and talk to each day. I feel like I'm not even as important to those who are to me. Maybe we've just drifted so far apart it's just impossible to turn around and go back again to the start or to where we were together. We stay by sight but maybe not by heart. We stay because we have to, because of pity or because there's no other choice. It's sick, really.
Feeling like a second choice or maybe the last option. It wouldn't matter if I vanished into thin air even. Nothing would change. Maybe no one would even noticed. The solitude is calming though it gets dark, it gets lonely. It's been months. My time is running out. One day I'd kill the person I am today. For now it's just too early or maybe I'm just too lazy.
When you live under the same roof but feel like you're separated by a wall ten thousand miles long, when you're a family but there's no love felt, only substitutes like things that's bought for you; temporary happiness, they call it. When you're surrounded by friends, those who makes you laugh and loves you so much yet you feel so alone like there is something missing - the truth, maybe? When you love but there is no trust or sharing. How do you live like this? Why in the first place?
Maybe because the truth is unbearable. Maybe because the only things left that keeps you content are the lies. I don't wanna do this anymore. Isolation is how.
I have separated myself from so many things and people. I've been trying to search for myself again. I'm looking back, making sure I leave nothing behind. Still contemplating on what and who I want to bring a long on this trip of mine. What's worth looking forward to and what's better thrown away.
Who am I to who you are today? To most I am nothing. To some I'm a ghastly memory. To so little I mean everything. I am not important in the life of most that I meet and talk to each day. I feel like I'm not even as important to those who are to me. Maybe we've just drifted so far apart it's just impossible to turn around and go back again to the start or to where we were together. We stay by sight but maybe not by heart. We stay because we have to, because of pity or because there's no other choice. It's sick, really.
Feeling like a second choice or maybe the last option. It wouldn't matter if I vanished into thin air even. Nothing would change. Maybe no one would even noticed. The solitude is calming though it gets dark, it gets lonely. It's been months. My time is running out. One day I'd kill the person I am today. For now it's just too early or maybe I'm just too lazy.
When you live under the same roof but feel like you're separated by a wall ten thousand miles long, when you're a family but there's no love felt, only substitutes like things that's bought for you; temporary happiness, they call it. When you're surrounded by friends, those who makes you laugh and loves you so much yet you feel so alone like there is something missing - the truth, maybe? When you love but there is no trust or sharing. How do you live like this? Why in the first place?
Maybe because the truth is unbearable. Maybe because the only things left that keeps you content are the lies. I don't wanna do this anymore. Isolation is how.
yours truly, riri.
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