the throne i give to you.

 I trust him.

 I gave him my all. I learned from my mistakes, I learned from my past,being the best was all that I wanted. You love someone with all your heart and I'm not talking about the only 6 months or less thing, I'm talking about the one where you see you can still have in the future, the one you just know would last- at least that's what you thought but that was bullshit. It was unreal and it ended just like the ones before but it hurt so much 'cause this time it was different. It was happiness you never thought you could feel. Vanished into thin air. It changed you. To trust a guy again was just inexplicably hard. To be loved, to know that someone loves you is well okay but you could never fully believe in them. You thought you would never speak of love again as if it does not exist.

"So yeah like I know you might think I'm stupid for this but you know he's been here long enough to become important and trusted. He's a part of my life now, a part of me, a part of my everything. It's at the top you know like Farah and you. Where we hear what people say about you, me, her or him but we don't listen 'cause we know who each other are. Like you and Farah, he's family to me now. Loyalty is what you can find in me. Maybe that girl got played but I doubt it was him. He could leave me and break my heart but he'd never cheat and it's not just the memories, it's also him. His mom, his friends, his stories and his problems, I love them all and I'm willing to risk getting hurt. I got nothing more to lose, lost most of it anyway. I'm holding on to this one, he's the only thing left and I'll be alright even if the ending wont be as happy as we thought it'll be. I'll go w the flow" 

...WAS WHAT I SAID.

And suddenly this complete stranger walks into your life. So different, so unique, so true and just, you just- you can't help it but to fall for him. Like a one night stand that keeps going on and on but with the same person. He wasn't afraid of being himself, he wasn't afraid to act stupid, he made you feel comfortable around him, he made you feel special and everything was so surreal. To top that, he feels the same way about you. It took awhile to really open up to someone new but he shared a lot with you and the things he tells you, all that he had said-convinced you even more that he wasn't like those before him, that you can trust him.

"Trust me, ri. please that's all that I asked of you" and I did. Everything, everything I never said or never felt, everything was to and for him. However ironically but at the same time expected, it had a twisted ending. You end up thinking and asking yourself was any of that real? Every single fucking day you wonder. Once again, you lost it. Two times in a row. Two times you feel like something is actually real and twice it totally backfired on you. 

Continuing the first sentence of my second paragraph: ...what I said, was what he made me believe in and the trust I've given, once again broken.

yours truly, riri.