to be so close to the edge.

September 2nd.

Somehow I like the feeling of how tipsy I get after swallowing a bit more pills than I should. Like the clouds is in hands reach and my toes can't touch the ground but it's not like that, it's not like that at all. Maybe you learn to get used to the sickness or you adapt to how hard things could get for you and realise it gets easier but when it does, it's no fun, no fun at all no more.

So you pop out another, a couple or few and as you lay on bed with your hands on your chest, you can feel your heart beating a bit faster than it usually does. Running, racing, as if rushing towards another body, and it might scare you that it would slow down, slow down too much, too much until no more, and you can't count or notice how slow it has been beating.

No more sound
No more pumps
And it's not funny anymore
It's not fun to know
That your heart has stopped
Your heart has stopped
It's not fun to know
or not to know
That you are dead
To never have feel life before.

-riri-