look at me now.

Saturday 11 October 2014

night Far thoughts.

Sometimes I have all these things crossing my mind when it comes to him. The good, the great, the best. The fears, the doubts, the past. It didn't matter as much as he did, he does. Each sleepless night I get the privilege to wonder about him, sink into my imagination and thoughts of how beautiful things are with him around. I fail to put it perfectly into words for every time I try, he is the kind of flawless you can't explain. Despite the physical flaws or mistakes human makes, through my eyes I am captivated. Wishing it was me next to him all wrapped around him instead of the blanket that keeps him warm for comfort. To get hold of his face whenever I please and stare into such perfection. He's intensely beautiful it gets me bonkers. It's just amazing, how just by writing it down, describing him brings me such joy and excitement. It gets me all twirly and giggly and butterflies and unicorn, rainbows!

It hits me then, at random moments most of the time, almost always, that I am once again starting to feel. More human around him then I am with anyone else at all these days. He is mostly, everything to me and all that I am or have left of what I used to be and god, for the I don't even know how many times- I am so lucky to have encountered him in life and have him hang around once more. I could literally say without a second thought or exaggeration that life without him is no life at all, to go through that once and learn the level of misery and disconsolation state I have never thought I would subconsciously put myself into. To get a grasp on what we had one more time and be given a chance to make it right, left me with more than I deserve.

I am the happiest, to be with him and I cannot pressure enough the fact that I am deeply in love with Far it almost seems hallucinatory but I am perfectly conscious of this. I have never been so sure in my life.

-riri-

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