said and done.

2/10/17:7pm.

I think about the day you will leave. In my head would be all the ridiculous things you've ever done and the times you acted so silly; I can never stay mad at you. I never want to.

I will remember how stupid you would look yet I still adore every inch of you. And I have always felt so lucky to be the one that gets to know you the way I know you. How I get to be with you even if you never had to stay with me. I remember all the times you were there for me the way nobody else ever had, even if it did get too much for you, even if in the end it wasn't worth what you have bet for. Nonetheless, I will remember your soul and how you have never meant to hurt me.

I will remember your eyes and how my heart shatters each time it looks into mine with disgust, or when I push a bit too much, I am a nuisance to you enough, you would rather be anywhere else but here. Because I will remember how I hurt you, who hurt you and how much you have hurt. And I would want to drop everything for you to give you a hug because I'm always so sorry you ended up with me.

However I'm not always able. Some days I forget, because I'm too busy being reminded of how this was never my place. I am never meant to stay. Still I keep believing that it might. Why I still try.

//

It's December now. All that is written has happened and passed.

No wonder this has been left in drafts.

-riri-