never ending race.

I talk about him more than I do about god.

It scares me, when god is everything.

But this guy, you know what's about him?

I love him so much, I think about god.

Don't forget Him who created you, love Him, put your trust in Him, and have faith. I'd think, if I live everyday, no matter how hard my days could get, if I remind myself to be grateful and remember, say a prayer the least, even on the days where life flows according to how I'd prefer it to, that He'd make him stay. I would tell myself, the more I devote myself to god, the more He's aware of how the creature he created whom I am so in love with, is right for me, that he inspires me to become better and each time, I thank god for it. Despite the fact that we all know on how, He knows it all, and better. Well it's the kind of hope that keeps me going.

It's been months, and still, each time I think about it, I've never wanted or loved anyone more than the way I do when it comes to him. I think about it from time to time, of how lucky I got and how easy it is for it to get fucked over by how I am. Some days it makes no sense how much I dread it happening, the fear of it itself brings me to tears. I'd never been so hard on myself than I am when it comes to messing this up. I've never wanted to become somebody else so much at the same time tries to improve myself for the sake of someone whose existence was once so trivial. I would never have imagined how much he'd mean to me. Everything means so much since day one, it's ridiculous. So much, that I miss everything everyday, in fear that the next day, it will no longer be there.

Separations were less chaotic and havoc for me,

who knew a taste of heaven would be hell to me.

-riri-