cupid's bow it stung.

Going back to my older posts, noticing the times where I wrote more about him.
Happy, sad, lively, alone, devastated, blessed, everything at once.

Everything. It's a lot, as big as the word "forever". Isn't it ridiculous how you forget how much it had hurt or could hurt until they leave you (again)? I don't think he has figured it out yet, how much he still means to me. Silly cow, that little shit. I hope he doesn't forget. Losing people, is one thing. Losing him, takes it to another level. A level I'd like to stay as far away from. Does it still not make sense to call it love? Is it still too early, too childish, rather preposterous? He's that second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh-time thought, before coming to a conclusion, yet it's going to happen so fast. It's odd, how everything started and the amount of times it has ended. The more involved you get, the harder it is. Most times, it's just me. Either it's my mind or my head, I'm pretty sure there's not much difference.

I don't think he gets it. I don't think he gets him. He might not be able to see it still. He's everything, I repeat it like a daily prayer. He is. From your first or second glance, you might have already got hooked by his looks, saying it from everybody else's or most people's perspective. Although from mine, it isn't at all that. You're going to notice that hint of shyness in his friendliness that's somewhat somehow attractive in someways. From there you're going to notice how cute he can get. You're going to notice how different it is when he smiles and doesn't. You're going to love it every time he does and still miraculously see how flawless he manages to look when he doesn't. You're going to notice the little things, how he moves, his ways, what he wears or how he speaks. He's going to be one of the most polite and nice guys you've ever met. You're going to want to get to know him.

You're going to see how amazing he is, how he does so much and has these visions, imaginations and dreams he's trying to achieve and make it become reality. You're going to want to hear everything he has to say, you're going to wish every dream he has, every plan for the future he makes, you'll be in or at least be apart of it. You'll start wanting to be there more, filling each empty space there is in his life. You're going to want to be there when he's down, you're going to feel like driving or walking to his house if you have to, just to see him and make him feel better and special because god knows how amazing it is to just be there with him. You're going to miss his voice, his tone for different things. You're going to laugh at how stupid or ridiculous he acts. Not that he's funny, it's just how he is sometimes. You laugh at the cuteness, or how silly it is when he speaks and how in love you get when you're with him.

You're going to see his soft side, his irritable side, his weaknesses and capabilities but god, you're going to love him anyway. You wish you didn't, you wish you couldn't, but you do and you could, you will. You're going to love it when he tells you how beautiful you are or praise you because trust me, you're going to wish he does it when he doesn't, you're going to feel the difference in how it feels when he stops. You're going to love how he lets you hug him and he hugs you back, you're going to miss his pauses just to kiss your forehead or tell you that he loves you. You're going to remember how he looks when he sleeps, how his head is tilted a bit upwards with one side of his cheek pressed agains't his pillow. You're going to still love him in the morning when he wakes up and how unbelievably angelic he still looks compared to you when he does. You're going to miss everything when it doesn't happen anymore. You're going to remember how everything feels and how it breaks your heart when it no longer does. I miss everything about him, I miss him all the time,

even when you're there far.

-riri-