look at me now.

Sunday 23 August 2015

guilty pleasure.

If I remind you that I love you tonight, treat you a bit more special than I usually would, tell you I'd always be here if you ever need me and that things are going to be okay, have no fear.

There's no rush. Tonight it gets calmer than most. It's not going to be as hard as it might the next day. Nothing's going to happen. It's just you in the dark. Stop swallowing it whole. Wash off the stains. Take a bath and clean your face. Put on something pretty, what you usually would. You no longer drink tea, tonight you'd want to sleep. I hope you've cleaned your room, say your prayers, finish all the letters. You want to be remembered the way you were, when you were much better, easier. I could write a million apologies over what I've become yet it wouldn't mean a thing to me when nothing would be changed by it. I cut people off for their own good too, they wouldn't understand. Though I wish I wasn't selfish enough to keep some to myself, but I am. Forgive me.

Excuse how I look, I'm not easy on the eyes. Excuse my stench, I haven't bothered to even try these days. Goodbyes are never easy but it happens no matter how careful you are. It's never anyone else's fault but my own. It seems ungrateful of me but believe me when I say it's been the happiest time of my life to be around the people I choose to still stick with. Even on the disastrous days, even if it is the reason behind my state of mind or how I am, I couldn't be happier to know I was given a chance to feel it all. Everybody I know deserves more than me. I can't repay anything anyone has done for me, I wish their time was never wasted on me. I'm sorry for any and every pain I've inflicted. Not everyone belongs, we're just odd and undeserving. I'm the only "we're" there is.

Now lie down, shut your eyes and fall asleep.
You'll feel better tomorrow.

-riri-

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