history's history.

I never liked history. I used to. Cherished it even, reminiscing until one day, things took its toll on me and I figured, why? That was the point in life where I would rather forget about everything. Memories were nothing to me just because I wouldn't let it be. There was an empty space in me, a black hole I planted in myself to suck everything in never to be seen again.

That was how it started.

I never changed, I'm still me, I still know who I am. Difference is I am not myself with everyone the way I was; showing who I really am becomes a job, which needed more effort than ever. Showing people and giving them the permission to learn me meant more than anything, it became something so precious especially to me. So I never bothered, to find anyone or to let anyone in. I was done, I am done. Though like I said, I'm still me. Somewhere, in there, in me, I never changed. It just takes the right people to let it out: that side.

Seems like everyone I open the door to takes advantage of it and I can't blame them. I don't blame them. It never really surprises me anymore just sometimes you believe in things you can't see or have never felt, the way I believe for once, miraculously, things don't end the same way it started. The same ending, the same kind of history written except this time with a different story line. 

I know why it is the way it is. Still it boggles my mind as to why, no matter how many times I've learned and changed ways, giving chances to people I never would bother to but does anyway for a change, yet it still ends the same way. Again, I don't blame anyone. I try so hard, sometimes I don't bother to anymore but that doesn't mean I've ever stop trying, still it doesn't change a thing.

I am so sick of the history, giving people a chance to correct me when I already know damn well of what will happen next because so many have said the same things and proved me otherwise. I am so tired of believing that not everyone is the same, when I know I will always meet the same type. How much of an idiot does everyone think I am yet I still give them a chance to prove me wrong, why? You tell me. 

Funny I still believe even if there is a tiny bit of good, honesty and sincerity in people of the 21st century but who am I trying to kid? No one. Not with me at least. Let this be the last history I would ever let repeat because everything else I have ever known is corrupted by society, their own ego and selfishness. I am no longer interested in masked humans as much as I am no longer interested in whatever that comes out of their mouth.

-riri-