because you're my far.

The way he leaves and return, what he does or doesn't,

in the tone of his voice even when he's not talking and how he says things or call me,

I know.

It's funny and cute at times when you get to think of it. Is this what's it like to study someone and still fail? I'm still here, hanging around, standing close. Sometimes I can't really say why I do what I do when I know exactly why, I'm just not sure if the reason I have in mind should even be a reason. It excites me, the thought of getting things right for once, twice or every time. Getting my hopes shattered when I have never really put myself in a state of denial enough to have put my hopes up too high. 

It's interesting how many things I learn from just a certain amount of observation. In spite of that, when do you know when it's not worth it or enough? Perhaps when you get hurt or when it fails you, once again the way you expected it to. For someone who never bothered to leave their comfort zone, when it comes to things like this I've always took the thrill for that feel; the risk. Then again maybe I haven't, knowing that I've always known I could handle such things. I only took what I knew I could get through. But isn't that what God always puts us in?

After all this time, I still crave for more. It's not hard to walk out that door if you put your head into it, the way it isn't hard to see past through the flaws. The grass isn't always greener on the other side but you never know if you never try. But I'm not going to try, not this time. Not yet, the least. He's my Far. No matter how much it drives me up the wall or how I could resent the thought of it at times, I just go through it because I have this strong feel inside of me that says I have and need to. Most of the time it's just me, wanting to. 

You never know what someone is worth, true, but you can always let them know how much they are to you.
I think he deserves that, as much as I don't deserve this.
As much as I don't deserve him.

-riri-