look at me now.

Tuesday 13 October 2015

no difference to prove.

It's a shame to hear anyone expressing their love towards me, so sure of how they know nothing of what they're getting into. Compelling them to realise how they don't, that they only think they do whilst actually having the littlest hope to how maybe, just maybe they genuinely do. Every person who has convinced me to believe otherwise, is bound to leave me with more or less the same kind of excuse I've gotten in the past on why it isn't possible any longer for them to be with me. That the love in everyone I've been with, for me, fades eventually. That no matter how surprisingly hard I try or get better and change for my own good and us, at the end of the day no one's going to stick around. And nobody wants to.

I'd feel lied to or betrayed but it no longer works that way. The fact is people change, and these feelings, maybe they were never there or sincere from the beginning of it all, maybe it has always meant to be just a phase or so real and genuine only to a certain extent, not any longer. It's no one's fault, no fingers are needed to point it out. These guys I tend to meet, they don't know that. I didn't give my 150% to see you walk away. I'm no pit stop, no rebound, no tool, but it always feels like that's all I'll ever be until someone finds better. Someone who's worth it to them, that makes them happy enough they want it to last and actually try working it out. Somebody they subconsciously change themselves for, to the better. They always find better.

I hate thinking "This time it's different"
I hate thinking "This guy, he really loves me"
I hate thinking "He wants to stay. He's going to"
I hate thinking "He's the one."
And god I hate how everything ends to "I'm no one."

I'm never anyone's end. Just one they put to an end.
- It's always somebody else.

-riri-

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