look at me now.

Sunday 25 October 2015

hear me once.

I feel like he doesn't listen when I tell him that I love him. As if he doesn't feel what I feel when I do. As if I don't know what love is or the kind I'm talking about, the one I feel so strongly of for him. Feeling like it's swept under the carpet the moment it's said. I love you, he replies back although some days I can no longer feel it or see it in the way he treats me or the things he says and how he says it. Like it is said because I've said it instead of because he meant it. That petrifies me, thinking one day it would no longer be there. Everything crumbled the day he said he loves me less. Less is the start of none and the end of more. I never wanted to let go.

I find it the hardest to be with someone who is unsure of you or where they should put you in their life. That as much as you want to hold on, you know in some ways they've already let go, you're grasping onto nothing and they say nothing ever lasts. I dread this nothing would. Should have known and gone the day I saw not even a spark in his eyes as mine still glistens looking into his. But I wanted to believe he still loved me more, so badly, I never stopped trying. Or believing.

-riri-

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