Still awake, I heard movements outside my bedroom door. Thinking it was someone else till I heard a cough. Without any hesitation that alone made me rush to open the door. Kesian abang, demam. It's still too early to wake up, let alone walk all the way upstairs in his condition. His temperature blazing. Went down to accompany and help him a bit to pack up for tomorrow. I feel useful for a moment. One of the reasons I don't mind staying up or not being able to sleep in this case. Yknow, in case anybody needs me. Even if they don't exactly do, at least I'm there. It's nice to be there.
Writing this I suddenly feel so alone. It's that kind of sadness again, the one where you don't sleep yet despise having to wake up isn't it? It hits you in the day and at 3am. I thought I wouldn't come to this again. Plans plans plans nothing more. Dad says smile more, it's the only daughter he knows. It's getting fearful, for every moment he realises I'm slowly slipping away doesn't it? Timing never stays on my side.
I have two shirts on, one being the warmest sweatshirt I've own,
Yet I'm still bloody cold.
-riri-
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