1/11/11
Waking up with swollen eyes, that's what I get for crying all night.
So I called him. I said I was sorry, I told him I love him. Talking as always, is just too hard for me. I wanted to say so much. I've even set and arranged everything neatly and systematically in my head but nothing went out. Not that I was scared, okay maybe a bit, but that wasn't the reason. It's just as soon as I heard his voice on the other line, I just kinda froze. My heart felt like it was about to explode, I was suddenly speechless as if a cat had caught my tongue. Everything felt like it had stop. I fell into an awkward silent moment and it felt as if every clock in the house had stop ticking. I took a deep breath, and finally I said "hello"
I guess it's just been awhile since I last called him or heard his voice. Maybe I was just nervous or feeling a little bit awestruck? After I said "bye", those tears filling my eyes started falling down my cheeks and at that time, I felt so dead somehow. I've been keeping myself in control to not cry while I was talking to him but I guess I just couldn't take it any more. I can't believe that I burst into tears as soon as I put the phone down. Of course I act as if I was laughing when we were texting, using "HAHA" to show as if I was happily laughing when I was actually crying alone. I just gotta suck it up, and continue my daily life as always.
Waking up with swollen eyes, that's what I get for crying all night.
So I called him. I said I was sorry, I told him I love him. Talking as always, is just too hard for me. I wanted to say so much. I've even set and arranged everything neatly and systematically in my head but nothing went out. Not that I was scared, okay maybe a bit, but that wasn't the reason. It's just as soon as I heard his voice on the other line, I just kinda froze. My heart felt like it was about to explode, I was suddenly speechless as if a cat had caught my tongue. Everything felt like it had stop. I fell into an awkward silent moment and it felt as if every clock in the house had stop ticking. I took a deep breath, and finally I said "hello"
I guess it's just been awhile since I last called him or heard his voice. Maybe I was just nervous or feeling a little bit awestruck? After I said "bye", those tears filling my eyes started falling down my cheeks and at that time, I felt so dead somehow. I've been keeping myself in control to not cry while I was talking to him but I guess I just couldn't take it any more. I can't believe that I burst into tears as soon as I put the phone down. Of course I act as if I was laughing when we were texting, using "HAHA" to show as if I was happily laughing when I was actually crying alone. I just gotta suck it up, and continue my daily life as always.
yours truly,riri
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