It wasn't about finally getting to wear your mum's lipstick without the need to hide it from her when you did to avoid getting scolded for it or to be given a certain look where you just knew it was all that needed to be done to signal you to stop.
It wasn't about finally getting to wear a bra without having to fill it up with tissue papers or wear heels and dresses, looking fabulous and for once, having real things to be carried around in your handbag. Essentials you'd never actually thought you needed, those things you found so little significance once!
They said don't grow up too fast. Dress up your age. You don't need to wear that. Why would you need that? What for? They'd asked. Enjoy your childhood. Live your teenage years to the fullest. Forget love it's useless, phases after phases, it doesn't last. Cherish each moment.
They tell us way too many times hoping we'd remember, pushing us to listen. They've been through it all. I guess they must have regretted much enough to be telling someone else not to do the same, repeating someone else's mistake to make it your own. Or maybe, they've just lived the wrong way.
It no longer matters at this point. I realised to me it was never the need to grow up past 18, it was never college life or getting married, finding prince charming, living happily ever after. I grew up out of experience and all that they had put me through. My way of thinking wasn't fully influenced by my surroundings or those that came and went, I made my choices, I followed my way.
I wanted to grow up, so they'd listen.
But they'll never listen,
not the way I did.
not the way I did.
-riri-
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