I am not broken, worst, I am dead.
I pray to Allah that things will get better. I pray for me to be happier.
My mum, my sis, my brother, rara, they're the only ones I got.
It's easy to smile but hard to feel. Monotonous on most days to be frank.
I've been feeling so - oh I don't know what feeling is this called again, despair? Devastated? Insane? Or just nothing at all that you could find in the dictionary? I feel as if the dead-old-me has come back to life and possessed me to being this girl I once thought I would never end up to be again. At moments like this, I realised, that I'm alone. Why shouldn't I be, eh? I deserve to be this way. Isn't this some bullshit for you? They say bestfriends are those who you can go to when you're at your lowest or on those happy moments, it's someone you can trust, that you can talk with about anything at all but seriously, how am I supposed to believe this? Maybe it's true that I am at fault here. When you keep pushing people away, they leave, eventually. Boo to me, serves me right.
I'm just timid. Afraid to face everything I once faced before. I don't wanna risk getting hurt badly, bleeding inside. They say in the end you're gonna be alone anyway so I'm preparing myself for it. I don't know, I just can't handle being alone but I am also tired of getting backstabbed by the person I trust again and again and again. Who am I supposed to talk to now? Who would actually listen? There's people who would, I know. Just, I can't open up to people anymore. It's so difficult that it's killing me. My brain says no but my heart says sure, go on. Both with pros and cons. If I listen to my brain, follow my mind, I'll hurt but will soon get used to it (maybe). Listens to heart and I'll be happy again for awhile, hurts in the end. Guess you know what I'd choose already. No secret, so obvious.
yours truly, riri.
It's easy to smile but hard to feel. Monotonous on most days to be frank.
I've been feeling so - oh I don't know what feeling is this called again, despair? Devastated? Insane? Or just nothing at all that you could find in the dictionary? I feel as if the dead-old-me has come back to life and possessed me to being this girl I once thought I would never end up to be again. At moments like this, I realised, that I'm alone. Why shouldn't I be, eh? I deserve to be this way. Isn't this some bullshit for you? They say bestfriends are those who you can go to when you're at your lowest or on those happy moments, it's someone you can trust, that you can talk with about anything at all but seriously, how am I supposed to believe this? Maybe it's true that I am at fault here. When you keep pushing people away, they leave, eventually. Boo to me, serves me right.
I'm just timid. Afraid to face everything I once faced before. I don't wanna risk getting hurt badly, bleeding inside. They say in the end you're gonna be alone anyway so I'm preparing myself for it. I don't know, I just can't handle being alone but I am also tired of getting backstabbed by the person I trust again and again and again. Who am I supposed to talk to now? Who would actually listen? There's people who would, I know. Just, I can't open up to people anymore. It's so difficult that it's killing me. My brain says no but my heart says sure, go on. Both with pros and cons. If I listen to my brain, follow my mind, I'll hurt but will soon get used to it (maybe). Listens to heart and I'll be happy again for awhile, hurts in the end. Guess you know what I'd choose already. No secret, so obvious.
yours truly, riri.
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