sudden cold slap in the face,

and a jab through the heart.

Crossed my mind a few more times,

more than usual, the way it used to at one point,

around, lingering, hanging, shouting, showing,

there he was in every picture,

that familiar smile, the face I longed to hold in my hands,

eyes that glistens enough to have made my heart drop each time,

still it wasn't it.

It was him. Just him on his own.

Further and further away he has gone,

back to the days where I hadn't notice his mere existence,

to the days where I wouldn't have bother to open the door to his calls,

to notice that he was what once without my acknowledgement,

what I have asked god for, answers to my often asked question,

still it wasn't it, guess it wasn't him.

Or maybe it just wasn't me.

Pathetically I wasn't it.

It was me, just me on my own.

The closer I walk, the further he got,

seems like the only guy I've ever known of,

someone I would swallow my pride and ego for,

first moves on me, calls and texts for reassurance,

when indeed all I did was what I needed not to be done to anyone else but to me

yet I kept on going, stopping at nothing,

to be remembered, to be loved, to seem appreciative,

in the end for what and whom?

for the one,

no longer,

mine.

It's always funny, how things work.

You know, how being ready only means,

giving a chance for someone else to chicken out.

And things no longer remain the same anymore.

Forever.

-riri-