20th april 2008
A day that I thought would never come, I mean not this soon.
It was a day after my brother's birthday & a day before my uncle's birthday.
There I was in the hospital, reading a comic book.
I was just 10, what else was I supposed to do?
Then I got a very uncomfortable feeling, my stomach started to hurt, my heart was racing, my hands went cold.
It felt like someone had punch me in the stomach and kick me at the same time. I put my comic down, I went to sit next to my grandpa who was at that time, lying in bed. It's been two weeks, he still is sick and the doctor seems to not know what his illness was all about.
He said, he wanted to go back home with me. Unfortunately the doctor said he can't, the doctor told my mum he might not make it. What did that meant? My eyes stayed focus on my grandpa, he look really ill. His body was cold. Somehow, I felt like he's gonna go. I hit my head a few times because I thought I was going mad for thinking of something so horrible like that.
He barely eats now, why I asked why? He wants too, I know he does but he can't.
A few hours later, without no shoes on or even her head scarf, my mum went rushing out of the wad to call the doctor. Where were the nurses? We've been pressing the emergency button but there were no response.
I stared at my grandpa, stunned. Hot streaming tears on my cheeks, I could barely move a muscle.
The only thing I remember I herd was my brother telling me
"adik, baca Al- fatihah banyak banyak"
Was this the end? It couldn't be, it just couldn't. Couldn't it?
Then the doctor was FINALLY here, how unprofessional for being late.
We were asked to get out of the room.
They were trying to make his heart beat, I heard a cough,
I thought to myself "is he okay now? " but some part of my heart knew he wasn't.
About 6 something, everything was settled. Forever gone, there was nothing more that the doctor could do.
My grandpa was gone, I was so stunned, I didn't even realised that the tears I was letting out of me could fill up more than three buckets. I couldn't believe my eyes, pinching myself so many times so I would wake up but it was a waste of my time. Standing on wobbly legs, I couldn't even breath or bear the thought of it.
There was no one else for me to open up too, there was no one else who understood me more than him.
Who else was gonna tell me what I did was right and I am perfect just by being me.
Who else was gonna point to my head and say that I'm a genius whenever I thought of anything smart.
I was literally alone, I was always crying at school if it wasn't for my supportive understanding bestfriend, I don't know what would've happen
A day that I thought would never come, I mean not this soon.
It was a day after my brother's birthday & a day before my uncle's birthday.
There I was in the hospital, reading a comic book.
I was just 10, what else was I supposed to do?
Then I got a very uncomfortable feeling, my stomach started to hurt, my heart was racing, my hands went cold.
It felt like someone had punch me in the stomach and kick me at the same time. I put my comic down, I went to sit next to my grandpa who was at that time, lying in bed. It's been two weeks, he still is sick and the doctor seems to not know what his illness was all about.
He said, he wanted to go back home with me. Unfortunately the doctor said he can't, the doctor told my mum he might not make it. What did that meant? My eyes stayed focus on my grandpa, he look really ill. His body was cold. Somehow, I felt like he's gonna go. I hit my head a few times because I thought I was going mad for thinking of something so horrible like that.
He barely eats now, why I asked why? He wants too, I know he does but he can't.
A few hours later, without no shoes on or even her head scarf, my mum went rushing out of the wad to call the doctor. Where were the nurses? We've been pressing the emergency button but there were no response.
I stared at my grandpa, stunned. Hot streaming tears on my cheeks, I could barely move a muscle.
The only thing I remember I herd was my brother telling me
"adik, baca Al- fatihah banyak banyak"
Was this the end? It couldn't be, it just couldn't. Couldn't it?
Then the doctor was FINALLY here, how unprofessional for being late.
We were asked to get out of the room.
They were trying to make his heart beat, I heard a cough,
I thought to myself "is he okay now? " but some part of my heart knew he wasn't.
About 6 something, everything was settled. Forever gone, there was nothing more that the doctor could do.
My grandpa was gone, I was so stunned, I didn't even realised that the tears I was letting out of me could fill up more than three buckets. I couldn't believe my eyes, pinching myself so many times so I would wake up but it was a waste of my time. Standing on wobbly legs, I couldn't even breath or bear the thought of it.
There was no one else for me to open up too, there was no one else who understood me more than him.
Who else was gonna tell me what I did was right and I am perfect just by being me.
Who else was gonna point to my head and say that I'm a genius whenever I thought of anything smart.
I was literally alone, I was always crying at school if it wasn't for my supportive understanding bestfriend, I don't know what would've happen
yours truly,
riri
riri
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