look at me now.

Wednesday 21 March 2018

"please hold."

Should I not mind?

Almost exhausted, one more time Ri. Another chance and we'll call it quits. I mean, I. I know I still believe. I wouldn't still be here if not. I don't know what I'm doing even so, I have been here before. It's a funny place from where I am standing, although it's just me. I have always been a fool. Isn't it great, everything around us: the disaster built from what once was pure. It is to know, learning even more how not all that is wicked will pin you to the floor. Why put things on hold when I know I'm on my own.

He will tell me otherwise. Or that it's no different on his side. Tell me we are all meant to. I used to believe that too despite knowing what it could be if not, as things will be when we find out. I'm getting there, I feel it seeping through the growing void in my soul. Back and forth from losing it all. I'm holding on to the bit of sanity I have always had in me. Don't leave it empty, I try filling it with the light on my side. The sun might not shine my way but I have owned memories from a dark place, all the good that kept me going, everything I tie around my neck not to forget.

If I choose to walk away, will it be okay? Perhaps better, I tell myself what he told me. I know you feel me too. Or is it the substance in my system. Maybe delusion illustrating a dream meant for others. I don't want what I used to and I fear I might not want it all together as I once believed I didn't. When it all decreases and vanishes in the cold, which I hope not, remember me for what I was but know it was my decision to leave it all behind over everything unkind.

If I lose my stand and decide to; what I gave,
all I ever was or parts of me, is still a part of what used to be to you,
find me where you left me. If it is meant to, I will be there.

-riri-

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