i couldn't forget.

If I rant about life to you at 2 in the morning to 3 when all is dark accompanied by only sounds of our words exchanging and the dampness from my cheeks over the tears I've spilled while talking to you with my voice trembling, I'll remember you.

If I trust you enough to tell about the things I would do, is currently doing or have done that's far better be left unknown, if I stay awake until whatever time you finally feel like dosing off regardless of how tired I am or what I have going on the next morning, I'll remember you.

If you stay up just to make sure I am safe and breathing, asleep before you are, I'll remember you.

If you listen to my voice calls of random things to say despite the number or length of awkward pauses, talking back to me from time to time, just to keep my head away from the thoughts we all dread and the ideas better unsaid, to hear me breathe, to hear me gather up the courage to cry or to suck it up, to let me feel your presence, for us to fall into a slumber, to make it better, I'll remember you.

If you wake me up the next day to check up on me after a night of emotional mayhem, sincerely worried, if you call, if you ever call or text me suddenly telling me how you feel or what you're up to, if you miss me, just because you feel so, I'll remember you.

If you lie straight to my face with no slight remorse knowing you've promised to be honest after I begged for the truth, convincing me of believing those lies, if you leave me when I need you most, and pretend you've done it all when the tables are turned, I'll remember you.

If you ever dare talk me into trusting you when I wouldn't even bother to in the first place because I know, I just know how it ends- and be the person to turn your back on me, to prove me right to all that I've assume and break that trust like it meant exactly nothing at all, I'll remember you.

If I ever let myself shed even a tear in front of you, if I ever wrote paragraphs after paragraphs dedicated for you, genuinely care or cared about you and your thoughts of me, I'd remember you.

If you treat me more or less than I deserve, if you show me off or kept me a secret, I'll remember you.

If I ever dared to call or talk to you on the phone, trust me, if I got into trouble for you, whether or not I tell you or that you deserved that much, or if you apologise, if you truly are or were sorry, if you were sincere, if you ever made it clear where I stood or why I didn't have a spot at all, I'll remember you.

If you were ever so nice, warm and kind to me, if you ever loved me, really loved me and gave me the attention you deserve to get back in return, if you were there, stayed, when things were hard or from the start because you wanted to, I'll remember you.

I would forget when I'm not spoken to. Doesn't mean I have to or should remember. Even if I didn't want to. Some I'd rather not.

-riri-