look at me now.

Monday 18 May 2015

you're just a stupid fuck.

I'm 100% sure of how I am useless; my existence itself is a test for everyone. I test their patience, their trust, their love, their everything. I'm sure no kindness I have in me or might ever be present, is valid. I am just another test. I am no being, I am nothing more, always less. It's hysterical really, wishing to never exist, when in reality I was never real to begin with. I am thin air- no, I am the dream you couldn't remember because the ending is always a nightmare; never a lie and I am that truth nobody wants.

I am words blurred and faded, I am empty promises, I am the apologies that comes but never goes because I am a mistake I can never unmake. I am the tear you shed alone at night. I am the lump in your throat that keeps you from saying the things you mean. I am the anchor that holds you back from moving on. I am the memory you wish you would forget. I am the person you would like to unmeet. The heart that got broke. The money you spent on things you didn't need. The guy who screwed you over, the girl who cheated with your best friend. I am the never ending nag. I am your depression your disorder. I am the G you got in maths english history science biology chemistry arts music life.

I am the comforting lie. I am the words unsaid, and all that you should've. The one who left, and the one you didn't want. I am the broken trust, the broken dreams, the hapless, the pathetic, the everything you don't want in life or would wish to go through. And god isn't it amazing how it adds up to the same conclusion how I am after all, nothing. It doesn't matter. It wouldn't have to.

-riri-

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