I put my guard down for just two seconds,
I believe things could change for once,
I tried being positive, to have faith,
All I wanted was to find the girl I murdered,
The me I used to be but it ended in another tragedy.
As I stood there awkwardly, a thought hit me hard into my thick skull, that maybe, that this is actually, all another lie I have been making myself believe. When they told me they didn't mind, they meant they didn't give a shit. Like the word " SETUWWPIWWD" was slapped onto my forehead, I was taken aback. Looking back at just a few hours ago and a few days back with all the things that was said to me and I was made to believe, it's incredible not to be awestruck. Like getting back what I threw out. We go in circles, what you do, you get back in return but how is it fair when I have waited for so long for this moment? It isn't, but whose fault is it if not my own. Like remembering what you can't forget when you wish you never would. It's been years, months, days, so much has changed but the way I look at this, at him. I thought I had stapled the thought of it at the back of my mind, I swore I would never speak of the past, of our times; the good old times but it's the slip of the tongue: it's my mind and my heart talking all together taking control over me. As if I know that they know that we know it myself that I can never shake it off and that all this is just another pretend act I have decided to put on.
But I've been wearing my heart on my sleeves, I've been to lax to have had an eye on my heart, to not let things go back to the way it was because everything I made myself forget I never have really forgotten about and the thought of it is just heartbreaking while it disheartens me in everything I once believed existed. The pain roars in me and it takes away every piece of happiness because I once made what I knew would never last, my everything. Lesson learned.
Yours truly, riri.
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