in the future from the past I.

I guess it isn't fair for me to only tell you all my stories and thoughts about things while I let your friend find other people to build conversations with.

I guess it was never meant to be but it's just something that we have no control over and that's what destiny is. Who would've thought our friend, us, would break apart into you and me, you and her or just "your friend". Remember when we three were so close? See, mistakes are to be learned from and her mistake was breaking my trust. I forgive and I'll let it go but even if the whole world one day would change for the better, I would remain the same. You can build that bridge of trust with me once again but it will never be the same. I learn from a young age not to trust people easily but I always do, I get my heart broken and shit thrown to me and stuff but I never learn my lesson. I have faith on how people would change but they never do, not when you aren't as important to them as you thought you were so I decided one day to finally stop the nonsense. If I let you in, you for damn right know I've put my life into your hands; that's how much I trust you. Break that and we're done.

You love us both, I know. I'm not here to make you choose. You have the right to choose whoever you want to be with, either way I'd still be here. I don't have a "clique", I'm the only one I have. Come and go all you want. You've been friends with her longer than I have and vice versa. I'm just a newbie, the one to "fit in". She's your friend no matter how much she hurts you and you're hers. You've created precious memories together while I'm the one who you barely see or talk to. Even if I understand you more, you can never pick me over her. I know how it's like to have already labelled someone as your best friend even if you can't really be yourself with them but you can't just leave after you find someone better even if that someone is your soul mate because there would always be this guilt inside of you that would hold you back.

You don't need to leave, it's your choice. I'm not here to ruin other people's friendship. However I am not the kind that would stay in what I know it myself won't work anymore. I prefer a more honest friendship. It's worst to be acting happy to the people who thinks they're the reason behind it than to let them face the music. Acting is a never ending job. Being honest is the hardest but it's worth the pain and joy to come. I've been through that, I've been friends with someone for almost 9 years but in the end where are we now? I decided to leave and move on. Sometimes it's not about how long, or who cares the most, instead it's about whether it is worth staying or to be continued.

She's just full of ego. She's not matured enough for life, she haven't been through as much but just so you know, even though she goes to other people when she doesn't have you around, to her you're the only best friend she has because you're the only one who would put up with her and she loves you for that she just doesn't know how to show it. It's like all the hurtful things she says to you are how she shows you she loves you. You know it yourself too deep inside, that's why you stay- because she needs to be saved and you're hoping to be the hero because you know how it's like to be that way, maybe even because she reminds you of the person you once were.

yours truly, riri.