twelve again please?

Remember the time when we went to Desa Water Park and we all were like a family. SKSI2's standard six students, united. 2010- one of the most shit-full yet amazing year of my almost-fourteen-year-old life. The year where I found myself again, the year that I actually had fun. It's been awhile since I had any actual fun. The year I became a little bit less anti social. I had friends, almost all of the standard six students were family to me. I believed that it would last, I believed that nothing would change but as always, I stand corrected. Getting all excited about being a form1 student, getting into secondary school thinking that it would be a hell of an awesome year for me... pfft what shit was I thinking? I got everything wrong. I guess I was just too excited by the fact that I was not anymore a primary school kid. That I could finally wear this light blue skirt instead of the dark gloomy blue one. I thought things would get better, yeah I thought. I just wish I could have back all of these memories turned into reality.

Thirteen- what happened to being bestfriends forever? What happen to "We won't ever change. Friends till we die" ? I lost it all. Wondering what went wrong every time it cross my mind. All those who I once treated like family now treats me like I'm some kind of stranger. Smiles seem like it's worth a million bucks now. It's like no one ever smiles to each other no more. they see you, you see them, you stare and smile, they look away as if they don't see you, as if you're invisible. That's just how it works nowadays. It hurts the most to know that those friends you once laughed and talked a lot to, no longer even wants to look at you. 

Fourteen- it's 2012 and hey, maybe things will get better. Maybe friends will get back together. and again, as always, I stand corrected. Now, it's like I don't exist anymore. Sometimes they smile, say "hi" but you see, they got their own clique now and when they have that, yeah you got that right :- they don't talk to you unless they're on their own. What a bunch of shit don't you think? The saddest part is when those who once always hang with you and you always had fun with, forgets about you more and more by the day. All this left me thinking, what did I do wrong?

I wanna be twelve again when we actually cared to take care of this friendship. When friends actual matters. When it wasn't about who was cool or who was not. When it wasn't about your stats or ranking in school. I miss those times when we were all the same, when we realised that we're just human. I wanna be twelve and enjoy those times when it was about having fun and not caring about what people think not like now where we let society decide on what we should and should not do. I won't let society control me, I just wish they felt the same.

yours truly, riri.