"for better or worse."

With what I've become now, it gets me thinking if maybe I was more sane, normal, more like the other girls I know and less like me, someone might just keep me around. However I'm just one of those girls you fall in love with, not stay in love with. Guessing no one ever loved me or eventually nobody wants to or could.

I get it a lot, people telling me how lucky I am and I wouldn't deny it myself. I get to be with amazing people regardless of however it ends. Everybody's always so splendid in the beginning aren't they? I love how artificial people can get but also how genuine some are but when they stop, I no longer get surprise anymore. If only that meant it would hurt any less. As amazing as things are and as lucky and blessed I get, it seems like with me everything is a play. Temporary; waiting for an end; a bow, a charming smile and a wave goodbye. Curtains closing, show's over. The end.

"You deserve better." The amount of abhorrence I have for that sentence sometimes. "Better" never happens. "Better" is what people choose to become not wait to. It never sticks with me. "Better" comes, "better" gets to know you, "better" treats you better, "better" sees you all fucked up, "better" leaves. "Better" finds "better" and you're never better. No one's going to be better for you no matter how hard you try to be the best for them.

-riri-