look at me now.

Monday 15 September 2014

despondent thought of belief.

I no longer care of what is said,
or fear of what would be,
I am beyond petrified
of what's up in my head.

People don't always notice the things you've done or put up with, until you stop doing it their way. That's when you see who's true and realise the one's that has been using you. I've been getting a lot of accusation of how what I've been doing is vindictive, punishing everyone for all that they have not given me or as to how they would put it "to give everything yet still is not enough" to me. It's wonderful really. Fantastic, exquisite! How amazing it is to be known so very well by the people you spend almost 90% of your time with. Pathetic. Often petty gestures or incidents like this that reminds me of how ignorant people could be. All that I am, all that I have been, and incomprehensibly that is the verdict of who I end to be. How do you feel to that? How is it possible to react to such statement, from the people who should have known you best. Although it would have never surprised me, knowing how much I've hold back and all that is left suppressed deep inside, that they never would have figured out what they thought they knew like the back of their hand. At some point it just felt almost like a relief, as if all that they tried to proved right left them standing corrected the way I knew it would from the start. Still, it left an aftertaste of bitterness, to put down the way I was. I don't quite bother,besides what could ever be said that I've never heard before that could possibly do any damage or at least more than I have ever felt before.

-riri-

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