look at me now.

Tuesday 5 August 2014

with you, I am that girl,

and I want to be that girl who-

Wherever he is whatever time it is, if he ever needed me I'd like to be there. If I could in person, god knows I would. Through the bad days and the good, for better or worst I would want to be there to experience it all. Even when misunderstandings or arguments occur, I would go back to him as soon as I could, to make up for things even if it wasn't my fault, or if it was ever anyone else's. I know him, and how he would react or become. Although not much is said, I feel it inside. As if we spoke telepathically when words are absent. And though I fail to at times, I know what he wants, how he wish he would be treated or what he hopes for me to do with expectations that I won't, but I would, I did.

I want to hear what happens to him or what he goes through from day to day on a daily basis just because I don't have the chance to go through it with him just yet. Adore him for his achievements and although it might mean so little to him of what I think to be compared to what anyone else finds of it, I would be so proud of him. Not for just the medals or the certificate or the pride or anything corresponding to so, but for doing what he loved, enough to have make him happy. When he does things for the sake of everyone else, or the people he loves, there are times when he thinks he failed, those times I'd like to be there to remind him that he had tried and I know he would tell me he could've done better or he hadn't gave it his all but I know how hard it is to even try because I have stopped trying a lot of things, so I would ask him to look at how I turned out to be, to say that he could be and already is better than most.

Some days, some nights, I know how scared or sad he gets though he would never have admit or barely ever mention the matter to me but he doesn't need to, those times are one of the moments I wish we live just a couple of blocks away or better yet, next door neighbours. It's moments like those I wish I could be there to hug him and comfort him. If either one of us got hurt or were the one who hurt, I straight up if I could ever, just meet up with him; I always feel the need to although often impossible, I would hold his face in the palms of my hands and reassure him that whatever happens I will always love him, never less, always more, for as long as he wants me to because I do and if he needs to be reminded of it every single day, I would. If treating him as if he were a prince would make him blush as much as he could feel flattered with joy, I wouldn't mind to. 

Every time I see that face of his, not knowing what's been going on around anymore god knows how I wish things are going smoothly for him although through his eyes I find another story. He would say that it's okay or that he's doing good, he would say it's fine and even if there were truth in some of the statements he gave out, I knew much were lies. That's what kills, not being able to be trusted but it doesn't change how things are, or how I see him through my eyes. I don't think people get how much I love this guy. Like how shitty am I, very, but I love this guy for some miraculous unknown reason. Get that I want to be the girl that he can't forget, the one he loves, the one he'd keep. I'd like to be the person he could trust to go to telling things even if at the moment we were giving each other the cold shoulder treatment, because I know I would be there if he ever wanted me to and I always want to. I want to be the one that he could cry in front of and wipe it all away for him. I just want to be with him.

I can't care less of what anyone else thinks. I know how stupid or silly or however people would put it, I've become over someone who once was nothing more but a stranger to me but I couldn't have been more honest. I know how cliche everything is but it could never not be when it comes to feelings.

There was a time when I look at at him and saw myself, where I knew what it was and how it felt. That day I thought to myself, I would do anything to make him happy. Because that would without doubt make me just as happy and more than anything I thought he deserved that. For him we know I would. I've seen him at his worst, and still find that he's the best.

-riri-

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