one day, if ever.

You would put me at the back of your mind,
you would lock thoughts of me up, or throw me out.

And I know he would never, but we know where we stand now. Our places switched, my state of mind when it comes to him goes back to the kind I once had lost long ago. Such a girl, weak, I'd once call it at one point. Maybe just like every other before him, when I start to fall hard, they fell out. Difference is, after awhile, one after another, with him I care enough to go back, to try make it right, to gain what we lost before all goes to waste, because this time I believe there is a chance. The way I once gave him a chance. I know somewhere, somehow hope is there, hope is him, and I'm hoping. Besides how could I have let myself gave someone the permission to make me believe in what I've loathe on to swear never to have speak of, and let just be a lesson. Not this time, this time it should stay, this time it would lasts.

He could ignore all the nice things I say from the bottom of my heart just to get no replies, he could forget the things I tell him, he could pretend the memories doesn't cross his mind as often as he would admit, he can act cold to me the way I once did with him, he could be the biggest ego maniac he wants (though if in previous times, I would have never bothered to get to know such a person intimately), he could apologise and repeat the same mistakes, he can hurt me and make me cry, he could act like he isn't killing me emotionally, yet still, I would not and have not love him any less than I did then as I do now. Exactly the way he once tried, the way he treated me once, I would now be in his shoes as he changes into who I was. For him I would.

He could meet someone new, be so in love with the lucky girl who would end up with another, that couldn't see what he was worth like the others, he could go on with life as normally as he would keeping himself busy, going out, having fun, living life, as opposite to how miserable I am with my condition, he could pretend, he could smile and laugh and still I would know, that if he ever came back knocking at my door, I would welcome him in with open arms. For him, I would. Despite everything that has happened in between. For Far I would, because I want to.

If I knew why, I would have told, but I no longer do. I just know that it feels right even when everyone else says the contrary. He isn't to be left behind. Out of all the things I've given up hopelessly on, he is not one of it; he is the one thing I wouldn't want to easily give up on out of everybody and of everything to anything and I can't explain why.

-riri-