Like the sounds of shattered glass falling, I heard it with ache. I knew, because I knew and we all know that it wasn't of me to care of myself that way. I love myself and care about my well being more than anything and anyone because I know no one would the way I could, but everyone knew, or at least I am the only who knows, that it's not in the form or way everyone else would normally do. I self destruct. I destroy myself more than I could ever have the heart to on others. We all know but the reasons to it, we don't. Maybe that is why I'm fond of getting attach to people who will get as attach or more to me. So I could give out all the care and love they lack for themselves, the kind I barely let myself receive. As if all that I am I'd rather give to someone else and that, that is how I love myself. The only way I could feel loved at most.
Telling me to take care is equivalent to giving me the greenlight to burn my school down with hopes that I won't. We all know that I would. Though I try to stay alive, even if I no longer live my life. It disheartens me leaving this feeling of dejection swerving around in the air back and forth in and out for that I know I would fail whoever that asks of such upon me. When really all I want is to be with them, feeling cared for. Pretending to need the need to be needed when for all we know could be just another excuse to mask up the real intentions of wanting to take care and cherish them instead, making them feel worthwhile as I make them feel able to do the same for me. But I was okay to begin with, couldn't get better, some days worst, but okay. Still, now, it breaks me even more to hear those words. Because I know...
-riri-
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