Who would've thought it could bring bliss to me. It's like heaven running through your arms. The more I do it, the more relief I feel. I remember how I swore I would never do this, well I got myself more sins apparently. I never knew this would happen, never knew how good it felt. I just couldn't stand not being able to do anything useful for myself or for others. I'm a disgrace to myself. No, I'm okay just, a little bit confuse. I look at my body and all I could think of is,what have I done to myself? What an idiotic question to ask for something you already know the answers to, don't you think?
"You know what, you're actually really brave" I remember she said. "No I'm not, if I was I wouldn't have done all this" I replied, feeling so ashamed. "Yeah that's what you think but deep inside you don't know how strong and brave you are", trying to convinced me to believe of what I find untrue. That was the first time anybody has ever said anything like that to me. She was by far the only person who keeps saying all the things I've always wanted to hear, those things I wish people would think of me. She's leaving me soon too, unfortunately. Well we all got our own path to walk on.
Life just knows when to kick me down and push me around. It always hurts me where it hurts the most. Trying to break everything I have but as always, I won't let it. I might be weak and alone but I'll never let myself break. The whole world is turning their back on me, head up and I'll walk like nothing's wrong. Alone like a boss. Fear no one, trust no one, be true to who you are, breath in and out, keep calm and keep going.
yours truly, riri.
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